PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 102. March 26, 1892. YE MODERATES OF LONDON! [Illustration: The Stay-at-Home Voter.] Ye Moderates of London Who sat at home at ease, Ah! little did you think upon The dangerous C.C.'s! While comfort did surround you, You did not care to go To remote Spots to vote When the stormy winds did blow. The voter should have courage No danger he should shun; In every kind of weather All sorts of risks should run. Not he! So bold Progressives Will tax him, and he'll know He must pay In their way, Which is neither sure nor slow. But when the Thames Embankment, The finest road in town, Is riotous with tramcars, Will _that_ make rates come down? Will all these free arrangements, Free water, gas, do so? Oh, they may! Who can say? And the Companies may go. When LIDGETT and McDOUGALL Are censors of the play, We can patronise the Drama In a strictly proper way; When PARKINSON's Inspector Of Ballets, we shall know He will stop Any hop If he sees a dancer's toe. Such grandmaternal rulers Will settle life for us, And Moderates, escaping All canvassing and fuss, Can still, from cosy firesides, Through three long years or so, Watch whereat Jumps the cat, And which way the wind does blow. * * * * * LOCKWOOD THE LECTURER. ["Last Tuesday Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P., delivered a lecture entitled 'The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick,' to a large gathering of the citizens of York, which place he represents in Parliament."--_Daily Telegraph_.] AIR--"_Simon the Cellarer._" Oh, LOCKWOOD the Lecturer hath a rare store Of jo-vi-a-li-tee Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories galore, For a cheery Q.C. is he! A cheery Q.C. and M.P. With pen and with pencil he never doth fail, And every day he hath got a fresh tale. "A Big-vig on Pig-vig," he quaintly did say, When giving his lecture at York t'other day. For Ho! ho! ho! FRANK LOCKWOOD can show How well he his DICKENS Doth know, know, know! _Chorus._--For Ho! ho! ho! &c. * * * * * HOSPITALITY À LA MODE. ["Programmes and introductions are going out of fashion at balls."--_Weekly Paper_.] SCENE--_Interior of a Drawing-room during a dance. Sprightly Damsel disengaged looking out for a partner. She addresses cheerful-looking Middle-aged Gentleman, who is standing near her._ _She._ I am not quite sure whether I gave you this waltz? _He._ Nor I. But I hope you did. I am afraid it is nearly over, but we shall still have time for a turn. [_They join the dancers._ _She._ Too many people here to-night to make waltzing pleasant. _He._ Yes, it is rather crowded. Shall we sit out?