Liquor like this from a bottle whose crust is whole, Liquor like this rubs the rust from the rusty soul; The faddist it mellows: the private Secrets of State it can somehow arrive at. Under its spell frolics Hypochondriasis; Poverty learns what a millionnaire's bias is, Yes, Poverty, such a spell under, Laughs at the County Court's impotent thunder. Fill, then! A bumper we'll empty between us to Bacchus, the _Pas-de-trois_ Graces, and Venus too, With all of that classical ilk, man-- Till the stars fade with the morn and the milkman. * * * * * THE "TA-RA-RA" BOOM. (_BY OUR OWN MELANCHOLY MUSER._) I am shrouded in impenetrable _gloom_-de-ay, For I feel I'm being driven to my _doom_-de-ay, By an aggravating ditty Which I don't consider witty; And they call the horrid thing, "Ta-ra-ra-_boom-de-ay_!" Every 'bus-conductor, errand-boy, and _groom_-de-ay, City clerk, and cheeky crossing-sweep with _broom_-de-ay Makes my nervous system bristle As he tries to sing or whistle That atrocious and absurd "Ta-ra-ra-_boom_-de-ay!" So I sit in the seclusion of my _room_-de-ay, And deny myself to all--no matter _whom_-de-ay-- For I dread a creature coming Whose involuntary humming May assume the fatal form, "Ta-ra-ra-_boom_-de-ay!" Oh, I fear that when the Summer roses _bloom_-de-ay, You will read upon a well-appointed _tomb_-de ay:-- "Influenza never lick'd him, But he fell an easy victim To that universal scourge--'Ta-ra-ra-_boom_-de-ay!'" * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. One of the Baron's Assistant Readers has been reading a really interesting, well written novel in two volumes, by MARY BRADFORD-WHITING. It is called _Denis O'Neil_, and tells of the adventures of a young Irish Doctor who gets entangled in the plots of one of those Secret Societies that used to exist in "the most distressful country that ever yet was seen," some twenty years ago. The romance contains some clever sketches of character. The story (published by BENTLEY) ends sadly, and those who want to find fault with it will say it is too short. [Illustration: Our Competition Novel.--Competitors at Work.]