"Why, of course," returned the Fairy, "and you are to be the paymaster. You will have to pay about five shillings in the pound as a commencement, with additional crowns to follow!" "But how am I to avoid this fate?" cried JOHN SMITH, in a tone of genuine alarm. "By voting for the Moderates, and doing your best to keep out the Progressives. And, mind, don't forget my warning." And then the Fairy disappeared. A few moments later, and poor JOHN SMITH found himself sprawling upon the floor. "Why, I do believe I have been asleep!" he exclaimed. And then he woke up in good earnest, and hurried off to the polling stations, and voted for the Moderate candidates. At least it is to be hoped he will! * * * * * [Illustration: A TRAGEDY ON THE GREAT NORTHERN. SCENE--_A Third-Class Carriage._ TIME--_Three Hours before the next Station._ DRAMATIS PERSONÆ--_Jones and Robinson._ "IT'S THE _LAST_!--AND IT'S A TÄNDSTICKOR. IT'LL ONLY STRIKE ON THE BOX!" "STRIKE IT ON THE BOX, THEN;--BUT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, BE CAREFUL!" "YES; BUT, LIKE A FOOL, I'VE JUST PITCHED THE BOX OUT OF WINDOW!"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, February 21._--"What a day he _is_ having to be sure!" murmured the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, looking across the table at the other eminent country gentleman who is our First Minister of Agriculture. Truly a great occasion for CHAPLIN, and he rose to its full height. Just the same man he was six years ago when he from same place, drew lurid picture of the Empire staggering to its doom overweighted with Small Holdings. Now he is bringing in a Bill to establish Small Holdings, and recommends the expedient to House as crowning edifice of Empire's prosperity. At such a crisis some men would have blushed, however entirely foreign to their habit the pretty weakness might be. CHAPLIN, on contrary, made out in vague, but luminous, manner that he had been right in both instances. Indeed, the anxious listener had conveyed to him the conviction, still vague but not less irresistible, that this direct contradiction was peculiarly creditable to the Right Hon. Gentleman addressing the House, displaying a flexibility of genius not common to mankind. CHAPLIN always looms large on whatever horizon he may appear. To-night, standing at Table introducing Small Holdings Bill, he seemed to swell wisibly before our eyes. Prince ARTHUR early in progress of the speech observed precaution of moving lower down Bench. By similar strategic movement, HENRY MATTHEWS drew nearer to Gangway. Thus CHAPLIN was, so to speak, planted out in Small Holding exclusively his own.