_BY A WEARY SECULAR SCRIBE._ Oh, to be a Pulpiteer! Purists may fie-fie, or sneer. But, when wit and fancy fail, To produce your twice-cooked kail (As "a traveller") must be nice. Nor are you confined to _twice_; Hashed, rehashed, and hashed again, Garnished--from another brain, Seasoned--from another cruet, You may roast, or boil, or stew it O'er and o'er, year in year out, As you perorate about, Seek, when weary,--o'ertasked elves! "Inspiration" from your shelves. Salt it here, and sauce it there, Saying nothing, since none care To make question, taking pay, Yes, and praise upon your way, For--well, ere the thing is through, What is what and who is who, It might puzzle you to tell; Still you "think it right"! Ah, well! This philosophy peripatetic Strikes a chord that's sympathetic In the breast of secular scribe; Nothing, it is true, would bribe Him to play the pious prig, But--he heaves a sigh that's big Murmuring, enviously I fear,-- Oh, to be a Pulpiteer! * * * * * A CAUDAL LECTURE; _OR, DARWINISM IN THE CRICKET FIELD._ When Man first arose from the primitive Ape, He first dropped his tail, and took on a new shape. But Cricketing Man, born to trundle and swipe, Reversion displays to the earlier type; For a cricketing team, when beginning to fail, Always loses its "form," and "developes a tail"! * * * * * ROBERT ON THINGS IN GINERAL. I was only jest a thinkin the other day, what werry distinguisht honner Her Most Grashus Madgesty the QUEEN would bestow on the Rite Honerabel the LORD MARE, when the rite time cum. But I was ardly prepaird for the acshal fack! I reelly coudn't have bleeved it if I hadn't a had it red out to me from a most respecfool Mornin Paper; so in course it must be trew. Yes, the Rite Honorabel the LORD MARE is not only to be a Nite, like other Lord Mares, but the QUEEN has acshally made him a Nite Commander of the most xtinguisht Order of Saint Mikel, and, not sattisfide with ewen that, Her MADGESTY has also made him a Nite Commander of the other most xtinguisht Order of Saint George! It is fortnit that Sir DAVID's year of offis will soon end, or he mite have fownd it diffikult to carry out his ushal LORD MARE's numerus dootys, while Commanding two sitch xtinguisht Orders as them as is named above. My Amerricane Friend has turnd up agane at our bewtifool Grand Otel. He says as they has had orful whether wear he has cum from, but all the hole week he has had in grand old Lundon has bin most luvly Sun-Shine, as it amost allers is in Spring, he says he's told. As he luckly didn't appen for to arsk for no arnser, of course I didn't give him not none; but I coudn't help a thinkin as how as if he had bin here in our late hurly Spring, he might ha bin inclined jest a leetel to halter his good opinyon.