_The Ex-Pirate_ (_who meanwhile has sighted an East-Indiaman, and given chase_). "Well, soon as we'd overhauled her, our 'Jolly Roger' we flew, We opened our dummy deadlights, and the guns gleamed grinning through. And, panther-like, we were crouching--" [_Here he attempts to suit the action to the word; the boat heels over--and the Pirate's crouch becomes a sprawl._ I--I _beg_ your pardon.--(_Picking himself up._) "Under the Indiaman's side; When--a baby-face from her bulwarks, looked down on us open-eyed: I can see him now--with his fluttering curls, and his cheeks so chubby and round, Which a cherub might have been proud of, in snowiest linen bound! Then--he hailed us, in infant accents, so innocent, fresh, and blithe-- That our nest of human snakes was stirred to a conscience-stricken writhe! (_In soft falsetto, as Child_). Dear Pirates, I _am_ so sorry--I _did_ want to see you so. I'm afraid you'll be disappointed--but you mustn't come _near_, you know! I wish I could ask you on board to tea, for I feel so down in the dumps, But I _can't_ invite you--for, if you came, you'd be certain to catch my Mumps! I've given it all of the passengers, and the Captain, and Mate, and Crew, And it would be a _dreadful_ pity if _you_ were to catch it too!" [_Pause. The Chirpy Man hides his face._ We looked at each other; our utterance choked by irrepressible lumps, Though we feared neither man nor devil--we all had a _horror_ of Mumps! And, but for this Cherub's candour, ere many mere days had sped-- [_Here the_ Pirate _is stopped by uncontrollable emotion, and his audience, from the Captain downwards, express sympathy._ _The Reciter_ (_huskily, after wiping his eyes_). I'm very sorry--it's foolish, I know, but I always _do_ break down just here. I--I think I can go on now. [Illustration: "WITH THE HONOURS OF WAR!"] "Had sped, Each buccaneer would have kept his bunk, with a bandage about his head!" [_Here a fresh diversion is effected by_ The Chirpy Man, _who suddenly achieves unpopularity by becoming aggressively ill, and causing a general stampede from his neighbourhood._ _The Reciter_-- "We wouldn't have boarded her, after _that_, for all the treasure on earth, So we sailed away--to the sweet salute of a peal of childish mirth!" _The Chirpy Man_ (_resuming his seat, much relieved, and almost as chirpy as ever, to his neighbours, confidentially_). I'm all right agen now. It was takin' a glass o' stout on top of black currant pudden _done_ it, yer know!