Ah, 'ARRIET! gracious 'eavens, How your greased locks do glow! I swoon! The "hodoration" (I heard you call it so) Sickens my senses so; 'Tis "Citronel"--no more, That scents, like a cheap barber's, That oil'd fringe hung before. 'ARRIET, my knowing darling, Your eyes a cross-watch keep, You're togged in shop-girl's fashion, Your cloak is bugled deep, Black-bugled broad and deep, With buttons dappled o'er, Good gr-racious! how it's grown, too-- That oil'd fringe flopped before! That "bang" is awfully trying, That odour maddens me. By Jingo! you've been dyeing Those rufous locks, I see, Those sandy locks, I see, They're darker than of yore. Avaunt! I'd be forgetting That oil'd fringe flopped before. * * * * * RATHER APPROPRIATE. Under the heading "Military Education," there appears in _The Tablet_, an advertisement concerning preparation for examinations at Woolwich and Sandhurst by "the Rev. E. VON ORSBACH, F.R.G.S., F.R.Hist.S., late Tutor to their Highnesses the Princes of THURN-AND-TAXIS." What a suggestive name for a tutor preparing young men for a Cavalry Regiment is "VON ORSBACH!" Not only would pupils surmount all difficulties of EUCLID's propositions, but being brought up by VON ORSBACH, they would dare all "riders!" Then as to the Princes, his pupils, cannot we conceive of the first Prince THURN how he has been turned out a perfect 'orseman by VON ORSBACH, and how it would tax all an Examiner's ingenuity to pluck TAXIS. Pity that when one Prince was called TAXIS the other wasn't named RATES. But evidently this was an oversight. A neat couplet might head this advertisement, and add to its attractiveness, as for instance:-- Every question, whatever they ax is, Will in its THURN be answered by TAXIS. TAXIS and THURN, for a win you'll of course back, The pick of the stable, the trainer VON ORSBACH. We wish him a continuance of the successes which from his list this Equestrian Military Tutor--he can't he a "coach" as he is an ORSBACH--has already obtained. It's a German name, but it sounds more like 'Orsetrian (!) * * * * * CUI BONO?--"It is a mistake," quoth _The World_ last week, "to suppose that Mr. GLADSTONE complacently regards Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT as his '_Alter Ego_.'" Mr. G. being the "_Ego_" it is not very likely that Sir WILLIAM V. HARCOURT is likely to "alter" any of his Leader's plans. Still an "_Alter Ego_" is very useful whenever Mr. GLADSTONE may want to "wink The Other I." * * * * * [Illustration: 1492 V. 1892.] [_Christopher Columbus_. "WHAT! GO OVER IN FIVE DAYS! WHY, IF I'D HAD A SHIP LIKE THAT, I'D HAVE DISCOVERED EVERYTHING BEFORE NOW!"] * * * * * ELECTION AGONIES. (_BY A RE-ELECTED M.P._)