We have now got rid of Doctors, Lawyers, and Parsons--three of the Professions. To be consistent, we must take the fourth. This will prevent Musicians from gambling. But if Musicians are tabooed, why not Actors? And if Actors, why not Artists? And if we except Artists, we must join Literature and Science, or there might be jealousy. And now we have excluded Doctors, Lawyers, Parsons, Musicians, Actors, Artists, Authors, Men of Science, and everyone more or less connected with them. Now we must remember what is bad for the master must be equally bad for the man. So if a Doctor is excluded, a Chemist, an Undertaker, and a Grave-digger would also be kept away. A Lawyer would carry with him Judges, Magistrates, Clerks, and Law Stationers. The Clergy would represent everyone connected with a church, from an Archbishop to a Bell-ringer. Then, if we are to take away the Professions, Commerce must follow--wholesale and retail. In one blow we keep out of the rooms nearly the entire community. Still there are the Army, the Navy, and the Civil Service. But these are all more or less branches of the original class. They, like the Doctors, work for the public good. Without an Army and Navy and a Civil Service, how would the State exist? So they must go. And now we have very little left. We have lost the Doctors, the Clergy, the Lawyers, the Contributors to Fine Arts, the Merchants, the Traders, and the Servants of the Crown. Naturally the lower orders would follow the lead of the upper classes, and then there would be only the Croupiers left. And as the Croupiers may not play themselves, and would have the play of no one to superintend, they, too, might be excused, as their labour would be in vain. And now having reduced the visitors of the tables to an unknown quantity, I may disappear myself. Yours retiringly, _Spanish Castle, Isle of Skye._ AN EX-X. * * * * * A RUSH OF ONE.--The _Times_, a few days ago, alluding to the unemployed loafer, said, "it is he who flocks" to Relief Committees, and so forth. How delightful to be able to flock all by yourself! It recalls the bould Irish soldier who "took six Frenchmen prisoners by surrounding them"? * * * * * THE GRAMMAR OF ART.--"Art," spell it with a big or little "a," can never come first in any well-educated person's ideas. "I am" must have the place of honour; then "Thou Art!" so apostrophised, comes next. * * * * * [Illustration: ROYAL ACADEMICIANS AT MILLBANK. ("We understand that Millbank Prison, the site offered by Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT for the National Gallery of British Art, has been accepted by Mr. TATE."--_Morning Papers._)] * * * * * [Illustration: For Sail or Return.] FROM PENCIL TO PEN. (_A Story of the Merry Yule-Tide Season._) _Publisher's Sanctum._ Publisher _and_ Author _discovered in conference_.