"Who would have thought of it?" was the cry. The word chosen was "Christmas." "Fancy anyone remembering Christmas! Even for a Missing Word Competition! Everything seems changing nowadays!" But the Grandson was wrong--his Christmas bills were unchangeable. And ever will be! * * * * * "ART COMPETITIONS." "Since these competitions were started, the public had been educated in artistic matters, and their judgment was almost equal to that of the members of the Royal Academy."--_Mr. Poland's Speech in the "Missing Word" case._ Mr. Poland said, at Bow Street, Choosing pictures thus imparts Judgment good as that of those treat- Ed as foremost in the arts. Hitherto each paid his shilling At the House of Burling_ton_, Gazed at pictures, feeble, thrilling, Bad or good, and wandered on-- Stared with awe-struck admiration At "the Picture of the Year," Gained artistic education In a stuffy atmosphere. Then all changed; he paid his shilling And he sent his coupon in To a weekly paper, willing To discriminate the tin; And be wisely praised or blamed, yet He knew nothing of design, The BRIDGE of Bow Street claimed yet One more shilling as a fine. Oh, rejoice, Academicians! Learned BRIDGE knew what to do; Artisans or mechanicians Might have grown as wise as you. Which would sadden any just man, And might make an angel weep-- DICKSEE distanced by a dustman, STOREY staggered by a sweep! BOUGHTON beaten by a baker, Housemaids humbling helpless HOOK; STONE surpassed by sausage-maker, COOPER conquered by a cook! CROWE or CROFTS crushed by a cow-boy, MILLAIS made by milkmen mad, PETTIE plucked by any ploughboy, LEIGHTON licked by butcher's lad! It effected all you care for, But Sir JOHN has pulled you through; Bold Bow-Street's Beak is, therefore, No Bridge of Sighs for you * * * * * "A NOTE ON THE APPRECIATION OF GOLD."--Send a five-pound note (verified by the Bank of England) to our office, and we will undertake to get it changed _immediately_, and thereupon to hand over to the Bearer, in exchange for the note, _two golden sovereigns, and one golden half-sovereign, ready cash_. This will show what is _our_ appreciation of gold. * * * * * [Illustration: THE SKELETON AT THE FEAST.] "I confess it does seem to me that certain decisions made by a competent tribunal hare rendered it extremely doubtful whether there is a single one of the 670 gentlemen who now compose the House of Commons, who might not find himself, by some accident, unseated, if a full investigation were made into everything that had taken place in his constituency, say, during the ten years preceding his candidature."--_Mr. Balfour at Sheffield._ _M.P. (of any Party you please), loquitur:--_