EXTRAORDINARY FACT IN NATURAL HISTORY.--A Gentleman, whose name is well known in scientific circles, vouches for the following fact. He was, he says, passing a poulterer's shop, when he actually saw _a hare buy a rabbit!!_ He subsequently added, that much depended on the way of spelling "buy." * * * * * Mrs. R., whose nephew broke his leg at football the other day, told a friend that it was a confounded fraction, but she hoped the bones would ignite in the end. * * * * * [Illustration: THE YOUNG GUARD.] * * * * * PHANTASMA-GORE-IA! _Picturing the Various Modes of Melodramatic Murder._ (_By Our "Off-his"-Head Poet._) No. III.--THE REVOLVER MURDER. From Bow comes the fur that's on his coat, From Germany comes his watch; His trousers the "London make" denote, His accent is Franco-Scotch; His liquor is Special Scotch; He "guesses" much, and he says "You bet"; His manner is slow and sly; His smoke is a Turkish cigarette, For he is a Russian Spy-- A blood-seeking Russian Spy! Oh! how will the woes of Virtue end? 'Tis late in the Five-Act play; And Fortune still is dark Vice's friend, And villany holds its sway, Its truly wonderful sway! 'Twould scarce be the thing for Vice to crow, And Virtue to sink and die; The end must arrive _some_ time, we know-- So bring on your Russian Spy,-- Come, out with your Russian Spy! It cannot be long! The time is here For Virtue to pardon Vice, Providing he does not live too near, Or call more than once or twice-- Look in more than once or twice. But wrongs are not brooked by Russian gents-- They're awfully angry fry! The hero may pardon past events, But not so the Russian Spy,-- 'Tis death from the Russian Spy! So as humbled Vice up stage retires, Forgiven by him, he'd slay (A noble revenge the House admires, By utterly giving way-- By sniffingly giving way)-- The Spy, with revolver, comes down C., And aims at the evening sky, And down tumbles Vice, as dead as three, From lead from the Russian Spy!-- Oh! accurate Russian Spy! [Illustration] * * * * * SOMETHING LIKE A COUNTY-COUNCILLOR. (_Being Evidence taken in the Palace of Truth._) _Question._ And so you object to Theatres and Music-Halls? _Answer._ Certainly; and know as much about one as the other. _Q._ Do you approve of SHAKSPEARE? _A._ Certainly not; nor of any other playwright. _Q._ Have you ever read a dramatic composition? _A._ Never; it is against my principles to peruse such (so-called) literature. _Q._ Then why do you object to the Author's work? _A._ Because I know if I were SHAKSPEARE or any of his colleagues, my writings would be entirely unfit for representation. _Q._ Have you ever entered a Theatre? _A._ Certainly not; and never shall.