SOME COMFORT.--Harrow beat Eton at Lords' last week. The Etonians have some consolation in the fact of the Head-Master of Harrow being an Etonian. Without doing violence to their feelings, they can simply pronounce the Head-Master's name, and say, "_Well done, Harrow!_" * * * * * NEW READING OF AN OLD GREEK PROVERB (_by a disappointed Author, whose Work has been recently cut up in the Press_).--"[Greek: Kretai aei Pseustai]." _I.e._, "Critics are always liars." * * * * * [Illustration: UNFAIR ADVANTAGE. _Gladstonian Dentist_ (_to Tory Patient_). "I HAVE THE MOST PROFOUND ADMIRATION--MOUTH A LITTLE MORE OPEN, THANKS--FOR THAT GREAT MAN, GLADSTONE,--AND IT WAS ONLY LAST WEEK--&c. &c. &c."] * * * * * ON THE FLY-LEAF OF AN OLD BOOK. It's long been loose; at last it's quite Come out--the very thing to write My laundry list on. Think what might Have been upon it! Some lines by GOLDSMITH, neatly planned, A verse by BYRON, mighty grand, Or even, penned by SHAKSPEARE's hand, A song or sonnet; DA VINCI might have made a sketch, Or REMBRANDT drawn a head to etch, Or TURNER dashed some tints--'twould fetch A thousand guineas. Here might have been some notes, compiled By IBSEN, MAETERLINCK, or WILDE, On how some writers have beguiled Some simple ninnies; Some words on Cooks, by RANDOLPH C., Or Greek Home Rule, by Grand Old G., Some Irish notes by A.J.B., A cheque from DILLON. How useless now to think what might Have been, for I have blacked the white! It is not even fit to write A washing-bill on! * * * * * CHURCH AND BOOTH.--The Archbishop of CANTERBURY was recently a guest at the Munching House on the occasion of an Undenominational Banquet. His Grace, in a post-prandial speech, observed that the Salvation Army came "fluting" among us, but he thought that the Army's success would be as "fleeting" as it was "fluting." Neat this for his Grace-after-dinner. This was a nice after-dinner way of giving "_caviare_ to the General." No "laughter" appears to have followed, so the _caviare_ was not generally taken. * * * * * LITERARY NOTE AND QUERY.--First volume of _Tacitus_ translated into English by A.W. QUILL. Judging from a review in the _Times_ of this instalment, it is the work of neither a soft nor hard Quill, but a medium Quill. With such a suggestive name, this author will show himself a Goose Quill if he does not at once turn his attention to the History of PENN. * * * * * LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS. [Illustration: (Lady Gay.)] _The Bobolink, Henley._ DEAR MR. PUNCH,