_Mr. C.-J._ (_to himself_). That's _Mrs._ SPLURGE! I think, perhaps, I'd better _not_ wait. (_With an inspiration._) I'll leave a card. (_Drops one of his visiting-cards in the child's lap--to its exceeding terror--and retreats._) I'm _afraid_ I haven't produced a very favourable impression, so far, I'll try No. 2, across the street. (_He approaches a doorstep upon which two stout and dishevelled Women are seated._) Er--I _beg_ your pardon, but could you kindly inform me if Mr.--er--(_consulting card_)--GUFFIN is at home? _First Woman_ (_with sarcasm_). Now _do_ yer think he's nothink else to do but set indoors in a arm-cheer all day? _Mr. C.-J._ I--I thought--I hoped--that, it being Saturday, I might be--er--fortunate enough--have I the pleasure of addressing Mrs. GUFFIN? [_Both Women are convulsed with uncontrollable mirth._ _Second Woman_ (_on recovering--calling down the passage_). 'Ere, Mrs. GUFFIN, yer wanted. 'Ere's a gentleman come to see yer! _Mrs. Guffin_ (_appearing from the basement, and standing at the further end of the passage_). Well, what does _he_ want? _Mr. C.-J._ (_raising his hat, and sending his voice down the passage to her_). I ventured to call, Mrs. GUFFIN, in the hope of finding your husband at home, and ascertaining his--er--political sympathies, in view of the Election. _Mrs. Guffin._ Oh, it's about the voting, is it? Are you for a Conservatory? _Mr. C.-J._ For a--? Oh, to be sure, yes. I came to ask Mr. GUFFIN to support Sir TILNEY BRUTON, the Conservative Candidate. Perhaps if I called again, I might--? _Mrs. Guffin_ (_in a matter-of-fact tone_). I don't expect my 'usband 'ome till late, and then he'll be drunk. _Mr. C.-J._ Just so. But I trust, Mrs. GUFFIN, your husband feels the importance of maintaining the Union--? _Mrs. Guffin._ He _did_ belong, I know, but I think his branch broke up, or somethink. _Mr. C.-J._ (_puzzled_). Ah, but I mean in--er--politics--I hope he is opposed to granting Home Rule to Ireland? _Mrs. G._ He don't tell _me_ nothing about his politics, but I've 'eard him say he was Radikil. _Mr. C.-J._ (_diplomatically, as Mrs. G. slowly edges towards the door_). Might I suggest, Mrs. GUFFIN, that you should use the--er--influence which every woman possesses, to--er--induce your husband--(_here he suddenly becomes aware that Mrs. GUFFIN has a very pronounced black eye_); but perhaps I ought not to ask you. _Mrs. G._ Well, _my_ opinion is--if you want someone to tork over my 'usband to your side, you'd better come and do it yourself; because _I_ ain't goin' to. So there! [_She retires to the basement again._ _First Dish. W._ If you toffs can't do nothink better than come 'ere makin' mischief between a man and his wife, you'd better stop at 'ome, _that_ you 'ad!