_Sixth Day._--Received a message from His Majesty to the effect that he would be glad to see me and Herr VON KLEVERMANN again, on the condition that nothing objectionable should be produced from the Magic hat. Herr VON KLEVERMANN once more gave a _seance_. The eminent entertainer extracted from the Gibus a portmanteau, a soup-tureen, and a lady's watch. His Majesty greatly delighted. He signed the Treaty, and possessed himself of the hat. _Seventh Day._--Knowing that it was as well to leave the country as soon as possible, started early. Herr VON KLEVERMANN had expressed his doubts whether His Majesty would be satisfied. It appears that the Magic hat requires a good deal of preparation to be effective. The Herr's forebodings of evil were speedily verified. The Mission had not gone a mile before we were followed by the entire army. We made a demonstration with the machine-gun, which had the effect of destroying six or seven brigades of the enemy. The Sultan in person, declared that he considered the Treaty null. Nothing to do but retire as best we could. _Eighth Day._--Deeply regret failure of the Mission. However, find that the King and Queen of the Cannibal Islands are anxious for annexation to England. They seem impressed with the notion that the British Government have power to cause a flow of spirits from the Inexhaustible Bottle which, since the departure of Herr VON KLEVERMANN, has ceased to yield alcoholic drinks. Of course, shall do nothing in this new matter until I receive further instructions. _Ninth Day._--Embarked on my return home. * * * * * [Illustration: FANCY PORTRAIT. THE RIGHT MAN IN THE RIGHT PLACE--BENNETT, M.P. FOR LINCOLN.] * * * * * ADVICE TO THE G.O.M. (_FROM A MATHEMATICAL TORY._) Take forty-two, and carry eight (Eight hours, I mean), then mind your eye; Bring all your items up to date, And do your best to multiply Your sheep by next subtracting votes From over-suffraged Tory goats. By Registration Law perplexed, Take "qualifying periods" next, And at one swoop reduce with glee Twelve months, or more, to only three. Add labour to your motley crew, Subtract (from life) a church or two. Produce, with geometric skill, The lines of many a promised bill. But state--the Unionists to vex-- That Home Rule always equals _x_. Raise, in a rash, disastrous hour, Campaigning Ireland to a power. And thus, to prayers and protests deaf, Bisect the Empire. _Q.E.F._ * * * * * PRETENCE VERSUS DEFENCE. SCENE--_Whitehall. Time--The Present. Enter Universal Inspector-General, accompanied by Mr. Admiralty Official._ _Universal Inspector-General._ So you are going to have Naval Manoeuvres after all, Mr. Admiralty Official? _Mr. Adm. Official._ Yes, General, we are. _Un. Ins.-Gen._ And are you going to do anything new this time?