"Remote, unfriended, melancholy slow, Or by the lazy Scheldt, or wandering Po?" Nay, gentle GOLDSMITH, it is thus no more, None now need fear "the rude Carinthian boor," The bandit Greek, the Swiss of avid grin, Or e'en the predatory Bedouin. Where'er we roam, whatever realms to see, Our thoughts, great Agent, must revert to thee. From Parthenon or Pyramid, we look In travelled ease, and bless the name of COOK! Eternal blessings crown the wanderer's friend! At Ludgate Hill may all the world attend. Blest be that spot where the great world instructor Assumed the _role_ of Personal Conductor! Blest be those "parties," with safe-conduct crowned, Who do in marshalled hosts the Regular Round; Gregarious gaze at Pyramid or Dome, The heights of Athens, or the walls of Rome, Then like flock-folded sheep, are shepherded safe home. "Let observation, with extensive view, Survey mankind from China to Peru." By all means, yes, or even further fare, And Afric's forest huge and poisonous Pigmies dare. But, to avoid the lonely traveller's pain, From Ludgate Circus drag the well-linked chain; As Amurath to Amurath succeeds, So COOK to COOK! THOMAS's grandiose deeds What Tourist may forget? The great one's gone, But his vast enterprise shall still march on. What THOMAS started, is pursued by JOHN. Peace to the dust of the Great Pioneer, "Great COOK is dead, long live Great COOK!" we cheer. * * * * * DARK DOINGS.--Mrs. MARTHA RICKS, the emancipated black slave, who came all the way from Liberia to pay Her Gracious MAJESTY a morning call, may be now known as "The QUEEN's Black Woman," or as a companion silhouette to "SALISBURY's Black Man." Of course she will go back laden with valuable presents, quite a wealthy old lady, or "_Ricks Pecuniarum_." * * * * * THE DUFFER IN POLITICS. My country neighbours at Mount Duffer are not literary. So very remote from this condition are they, that they regard men of letters as "awful men," in the Shakspearian sense of the word. Consequently, since those papers began to appear, sometimes, in the pages of _Mr. Punch_, I have risen in the general esteem. Even JOHN DUC MACNAB has been heard to admit, that though the MAC DUFFER is "nae gude ava' with the rod or the rifle, he's a fell ane with the pen in his hand. Nae man kens what he means, he's that deep." In consequence of the spread of this flattering belief, I have been approached by various local Parties, to sound my fathomless depths as a possible Candidate. [Illustration]