Ye pretty girls of England, So famous for your looks, Whose sense has braved a thousand fads Of foolish fashion-books, Your glorious standard launch again To match another foe, And refrain From the train While the stormy tempests blow, While the sodden streets are thick with mud, And the stormy tempests blow! See how the girls of Nottingham Inaugurate a League For skirts five inches from the ground; They'll walk without fatigue, No longer plagued with trains to lift Above the slush or snow; They'll not sweep Mud that's deep While the stormy tempests blow; Long dresses do the Vestry's work, While stormy tempests blow. O pretty girls of Nottingham, If you could save us men From our frightful clothing, How we should love you then! We'd shorten turned-up trouser, And widen pointed toe, Leave off that Vile silk hat, When the stormy tempests blow-- Wretched hat that stands not wind or rain When the stormy tempests blow. We're fools. Yet, girls of England, We might inquire of you, Why wear those capes and sleeves that seem Quite wide enough for two? And why revive the _chignons_-- Huge lumps pinned on? You know You would cry Should they fly Where the stormy tempests blow; For they catch the wind just like balloons, Where the stormy tempests blow. * * * * * FAULTS O' BOTH SIDES.--Ardent Radicals grumbled at the Government for not holding an Autumn Session. That was a fault of omission. Now touchy Tories are angry with it for showing too strong a tendency to what Mr. GLADSTONE once sarcastically called "a policy of examination and inquiry"--into the case of Evicted Tenants, Poor-Law Relief, &c. This is a fault of (Royal) Commission. Luckless Government! The verdict upon it seems to be that it "Does nothing in particular, And does it very--_ill_." * * * * * NOTICE.--The Twin Fountains of Trafalgar Square regret to inform the British Public that, although they have performed gratuitously and continuously for a number of years, they are compelled to retire from business, as they cannot compete with the State-aided spouting which takes place in their Square. * * * * * A GREAT "TREAT."--Public-house Politics at Election time. * * * * * [Illustration: "LE GRAND FRANCAIS!" JACQUES BONHOMME (_regarding_ M. DE LESSEPS, _apart_). "BAH! I HAVE LOST MY MONEY! (_Pause._) ALL THE SAME, I CANNOT DESIRE THAT HE, SO OLD AND SO DISTINGUISHED, SHOULD SUFFER!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: GALLANTRY REWARDED. _Lady_ (_having had a fall at a Brook, and come out the wrong side,--to Stranger, who has caught her Horse_). "OH, I'M _SO_ MUCH OBLIGED TO YOU! NOW, DO YOU MIND JUST BRINGING HIM OVER?"]