Whenever I crack a judicial jest, Witnesses, jurors, suitors smile, They quite understand I do my best, A wearisome action to beguile: "Silks" and "Juniors" seem to force, A jeering laugh as a matter of course. Ah me! who would be, A jocular Judge of the Q.B.D.? The public, solicitors, counsel, frown And grumble and growl at the law's delay; I'm never allowed to stop in town, Off on Circuit I'm hurried away: Election Petitions I'm made to judge, On Irish Commissions I have to drudge. Ah me! who would be, A toiling Judge of the Q.B.D.? To a _cause celebre_ I don't object, Leaders of fashion around me sit, My robes and ermine command respect, I rather fancy I'm making a hit: I feel there's a chance of getting, who knows? Into _Vanity Fair_ or Madame Tussaud's. Ah me! who would not be, A popular Judge of the Q.B.D.? When the Sittings are in full swing, I'm bound, From half past ten till the clock strikes four, In Court or in Chambers to be found, With half an hour for my lunch or more: Summons and motion and cause I hear, I'm only paid, five thousand a-year! Many a man would like to be, Judge of the High Court Q.B.D. * * * * * ANTI-TEETOTAL OPERA, "_Eugene Onegin_" at the Olympic. Will it be followed by _Ourjane Twobrandi_? and subsequently, by the celebrated Opera, _Lotowiski_? * * * * * [Illustration: _Ethel_ (_who has picked up a few sporting phrases, and thinks she can instruct her Governess_). "NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM MUMMY, BUT I'VE HEARD FROM POPPA. HE HAS KILLED 137 GROUSE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THEY'RE BRACES."] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. "For graphic touch and keen appreciation of humour, for easy conversational narration, give me," quoth the Baron, "the papers now being published in _Household Words_ (most appropriate place for them), written by MONTAGU WILLIAMS, Q.C. and Magistrate." His paper on Ramsgate, telling how he travelled down, who his companions were, is as thoroughly amusing and interesting as his tribute to the health-giving climate of Ramsgate is true. These papers under the comprehensive title of "Round London," are to be republished in book-form by, as I believe, Messrs. MACMILLAN, and assuredly they will be as popular as were the same author's "Leaves" and "Later Leaves." False sentiment, MONTAGU WILLIAMS, as man or magistrate, does not encourage. "Strongly do I recommend his 'Round London,'" says THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS. * * * * * "THE MORRIS DANCE."--NEW FIGURE.--The _Premier Danseur_, holding laurel-crown, dances up to WILLIAM MORRIS offering him the laurel-crown. Will MORRIS? MORRIS won't. Premier retires gracefully, and is seen approaching LEWIS MORRIS. * * * * * TO SOME AUTHORS.