_Driver_. Ladies and Gentlemen, at this point I shall explain the scenery. (_The Timid Lady protests that she is content to leave the scenery unexplained._) Pardon me, this is a portion of the scenery--(_Here his eyes close and reopen with an effort_)--a portion of the scenery that can only be properly enjoyed coming out on one of these cars. If you go out with ordinary drivers, they take you along the main roads, and you come away fancying you've seen the Island. Now the advantage of coming along with _me_--(_His eyes close once more--the Excursionists implore him to attend to his team_.) You will thoroughly understand there is not the slightest cause to apprehend any danger. I've driven this car fifteen years without least accident--up to _present_. So you can devote your whole attention to the scenery, without needing to keep an eye upon the Driver. (_He points to the abyss_.) That is the _shortest_ way down--on this occasion, however, I shall endeavour _not_ to take it. (_He whips up his horses, and accomplishes the descent at a brisk pace_.) There, didn't I _tell_ you there wouldn't be no accident? Very _well_, then. P'rhaps you'll believe me another time! _Mild Man_ (_alighting at Hotel for luncheon_). We've had a remarkably lucky escape--I never felt more thankful in my life! _A Gloomy Exc._ Don't you be in too great a hurry, Sir! We've got to get _back_--and he's bound to be worse after he's had his lunch! [_The M.M.'s appetite for lobster is entirely destroyed by this sinister prediction; but whether the Driver has been unjustly maligned, or whether he has sobered himself in the interval--he reappears in a more sedentary, and less discursive mood, and the journey home proves agreeably devoid of sensation._ * * * * * SIMPLE STORIES. "Be always kind to animals wherever you may be." RUBY AND THE ROOK. RUBY, although she was something of a tomboy, was a pretty and clever girl. But, like many pretty and clever little ladies, she was sometimes very naughty. When she was good, she was as good as gold, but when she was naughty, she was as naughty as pinchbeck. The other day, when her dear Mamma was away for the morning, it happened to be one of her pinchbeck times. Nothing would please her--she was cross with her governess at breakfast, she quarrelled with her bread-and-milk; and even when her favourite tame Rook, Cawcus, came hopping on her shoulder, she refused to give it anything to eat, but hit it on the beak with her spoon. [Illustration]