EQUESTRIAN FRUIT.--At the Horticultural Show the Baroness BURDETT-COUTTS exhibited a "Cob of ADAM's Early Maize." No particulars are given. Was it 14'1 and a weight-carrier? Being ADAM's, it must be about the oldest in the world. "Maize" may be a misprint for "Mews." Next time the Baroness must send a pear. * * * * * PROBABLE DEDUCTION.--A pertinacious Salvation Army Captain was worrying a Scotch farmer, whom he had met in the train, with perpetual inquiries as to whether "he had been born again of Water and the Spirit?" At last, MCSANDY replied, "Aweel, I dinna reetly ken how that may be, but my good old feyther and mither took their toddy releegiously every nicht, the noo." * * * * * THE AUSTRO-GERMAN OFFICER'S VADE-MECUM. _Q._ You have heard of the Ride from Berlin to Vienna, and _vice versa_? _A._ Yes; and of the mishaps that befell many of the competitors. _Q._ You mean their horses? _A._ What applies to the one applies to the other. _Q._ Some of the poor steeds died on the journey? _A._ I daresay--of course, it was hard work. _Q._ And you have read that, even when the poor horses were fainting and refusing food, the riders still went on? _A._ Of course. The riders had magnificent pluck and nerve. _Q._ What, to observe the anguish of their chargers without emotion? _A._ No! The idea! I mean they had pluck and nerve in spite of all discouragement to push on to the winning-post. _Q._ And what do you think this breaking down of the horses proved? _A._ That, after all, the creatures were brutes--only brutes! _Q._ Does not the suffering of these brutes suggest-- _A._ That the riders were brutes too?--Ah! [_No further question put, the Answerer having mastered the subject._ * * * * * IN EXCELSIS.--No better example of the methods employed by Vivisectionists could be given than was presented at the Church Congress last week, where in debate on this subject they were all engaged in cutting up one another. The Bishop of EDINBURGH, denouncing the morality of the Bishop of MANCHESTER and of Bishop BARRY, was a rare sight. His Lordship said that the morality of these two Bishops was "up in a balloon." Well, surely this is morality of the most elevated description. These Bishops are not "_in partibus_," but _in nubibus_. * * * * * IN WATER COLOURS.--The East London Waterworks Company had a very successful meeting the other day. _Inter alia_ the Chairman said, that "the Waltham Well is a complete success." _Ergo_ let Well alone. That from this source they still supplied "36 gallons per head." The heads must be uncommonly hard to stand all this water on the brain. A dividend of eight per cent. is, after all, a very pleasant draught. * * * * * "GREEN THE GUIDE." (_A SKETCH ON A "ROYAL BLUE" CAR AT JERSEY._)