_G. the G._ The soil of Jersey is remarkably productive; if you plant a sixpence, it will come up a shilling in no time. The cabbages on this island grow to an extraordinary height, frequently attaining twenty feet--(_outcry_)--yes, if you measure up one side, and down the other. (_They pass a couple of sheep on a slope._) The finest flock of sheep in the island. The dark one is not black, only a little sunburnt. The house you see on that hill over there was formerly slept in by CHARLES THE SECOND. He left a pair of slippers behind him--which have since grown into top-boots. There you see the only windmill in this part of the island--there _used_ to be three, but it was found there was not enough wind for them all. From here you have a clear view of the coast of France; and, when the wind is blowing in this direction, you have an excellent opportunity of acquiring the French accent in all its purity. (_This string of somewhat hoary chestnuts meets with a success beyond their intrinsic merits, the_ Morose Man _being as much entertained as anybody._) On your right is an inland lake of fresh water-- _The Muzzy Man_ (_waking up with sudden interest_). Can you drink it with perfect impunity? _G. the G._ Depends how far you are accustomed to it as a beverage, Sir. (_The car stops at an hotel._) We stop here two hours, Ladies and Gentlemen, to enable you to lunch, and examine the caves afterwards. You can leave anything you like on the cars except five-pound notes--and they _might_ get blown away! ON THE WAY HOME. _The Shopkeeper's Wife_ (_to her Husband_). Ah, TOM, it's just as well you stayed behind--you'd never have got through those caves! You wouldn't believe I could ha' done it unless you'd seen me--clambering down iron ladders, and jumping on to rocks, and squeezing through tunnels, and then up a cliff like the side of a house. I do _wish_ you could ha' seen me, TOM! _Tom_ (_philosophically_). Ah, well, I was very comfortable where I was, settin' in the hotel room there, smoking my pipe. GREEN the Guide gave us, "_Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep_," in first-rate style--he is a _singer_, and no mistake! _His Wife_. Lor, I wish I'd known he was going to sing--I'd ha' stayed too! But here he is, waiting by the road for us--I do hope he's going to sing again! _Green the G._ (_mounting the car_). I fear I am an unwelcome visitor. _The Eld. G._ (_graciously_). It would be the first time in your life then, GREEN!