_Miss Prunes._ "AH, DOCTOR, THESE HIGH SCHOOLS ARE SADLY MIXED! BUT, UNDER _MY_ CARE, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR LITTLE WARD WILL ASSOCIATE WITH DAUGHTERS OF _GENTLEMEN ONLY_!" _The Doctor._ "THAT, MADAM, IS TO BE SELECT INDEED; SINCE I BELIEVE PALLAS ATHENE ALONE FULFILLED SUCH A CONDITION." (For pedigree of Pallas Athene vide Classical Dictionary--Art. "Minerva.")] * * * * * COLUMBUS. [Illustration] COLUMBUS! We read of him every day, In books, pamphlets, magazines, papers; Whilst Italy, Portugal, Spain, U.S.A., Cut constant, consecutive capers. They started last month with reviews on the main; On the land with processions--a quaint row. Such the fetes, aptly called by the French "_Fetes de Genes_," _Fait accompli_, good luck, _ca nous gene trop!_ But never say die; now Huelva goes on, New York follows, steady and sober, And Chicago makes ready for more derned, dog gone _Fetes_ to last till, at least, next October! COLUMBUS, your search for a sort of New Cut Was meant for the best, we don't doubt it; No harm in discovering Continents, but You might have said nothing about it. Still, had you not found a location for clam, Canvas back, buckwheat cakes, we should sorter Have missed the acquaintance of 'cute Uncle SAM, And his fearless, free, fragile, fair daughter. COLUMBUS! The newspapers never will drop This subject; we wish, as months roll on, Some common bacillus had put a full stop Long ago to Don CHRISTOBAL COLON! * * * * * "ANECDOTAGE." _COMPANION PARAGRAPHS TO STORIES OF THE SAME KIND._ SIR WALTER SCOTT was never so well pleased as when meeting a brother author. One day he passed by a gauger, who was so careless in his duties that the author of _Waverley_ was able to smuggle into Edinburgh some whiskey that was supposed never to have paid duty. On reaching Abbotsford, "the Wizard of the North" was informed that he had met one of the greatest poets of North Britain. "So I suspected," he replied. "It must have been BURNS." Sir WALTER was right--it _was_ BURNS. * * * * * PITT, the younger, and FOX were both fond of port wine, and lost no opportunity of indulging in their favourite beverage. Meeting at CROCKFORD's one evening, PITT (being in straitened circumstances) proposed that they should play for a bottle of sherry. "No," said FOX, "if I must lose, I will lose in Claret!" and the rival Statesmen succumbed to intoxication. * * * * * WILBERFORCE, the well-known philanthropist, was accustomed to visit the prisons. At Newgate one day he met a well-known forger, and asked him "What he was in for?" "For the same reason that you are out," was the smart, but uncourteous reply. * * * * * NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE ENGLISH POLICE. (_FREELY ADAPTED FROM THE IRISH RULES._) [Illustration]