Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 8, 1892Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 8, 1892
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Let me pass to a more pleasant subject, and one with which you,
my dear boy, are more closely connected. I refer to my old friend.
General VANGARD, the kindest and best-natured man that ever drew
half-pay. Seventy years have passed over his head, and turned his hair
to silver, but his heart remains pure gold without alloy. In vain do
his whiskers and moustache attempt to give a touch of fierceness to
his face. The kindly eyes smile it away in a moment. He stands six
feet and an inch, his back his broad, his step springy; he carries
his head erect on his massive shoulders with a leonine air of
good-humoured defiance. To hear him greet you, to feel his hand-shake,
is to get a lesson in geniality. I never knew a man who had so
whole-hearted a contempt for insincerity and affectation. It was
only the other day that I saw little TOM TITTERTON, of the Diplomatic
Service, introduced to him. TOM is a devil of a fellow in Society.
He warbles little songs of his own composition at afternoon teas,
he insinuates himself into the elderly affections of stony-hearted
dowagers, he can lead a _cotillon_ to perfection, and is universally
acknowledged as an authority on gloves and handkerchiefs. It was at a
shooting-party that he and the General met. The little fellow advanced
simpering, and raised a limp and dangling hand to about the height
of his eyes. The General had extended his in his usual bluff and
unceremonious manner. Naturally enough the hands failed to meet. A
puzzled look came over the General's face. In a moment, however,
he had grasped the situation, and TITTERTON's hand, and shaken the
latter with a ferocious heartiness. "OW!" screamed TOM. It was a short
exclamation, but a world of agony was concentrated into it. "The
old bear has spoilt my shooting for the day," said TITTERTON to me
afterwards, as he missed his tenth partridge. That very evening, I
remember, there was a great discussion in the smoking-room on the
subject of wrestling. One of the party, a burly youth of twenty-six,
boasted somewhat loudly of the tricks that a Cornishman had lately
taught him. For a long time the General sat silently puffing his
cigar, but at length the would-be wrestler said something that roused
him. "Would you mind showing me how that's done?" he said; "I seem to
remember something about it, but it was done differently in my time.
No doubt your notion's an improvement." Nothing loth the burly one
stood up. I don't quite know what happened. The General seemed to
stoop with outstretched hands and then raise himself with a spring as
he met his opponent. A large body hurtled through the air, and in a
moment the younger man was lying flat on the carpet amidst the shouts
of the company. "It's the old 'flying mare' my boy," said the General
to me, "a very useful dodge. I learnt it fifty years ago."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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