_Lady Croesus_. "OH, WHAT A SWEET TABLE! WHERE DID YOU GET IT, MY DEAR? OH, I SEE HERE'S THE MAN'S CARD." (_Spelling the label._) "'TABLE--LOUIS QUINZE.' LOUIS QUINZEY! WHAT A HORRID NAME! AND WHY HASN'T HE PUT HIS ADDRESS?"] * * * * * THE GERMAN WATERS. A promenade with tongues alive That every phrase of OLLENDORFF use; And "_Luther's Hymn_" at half-past five To drag you from the arms of Morpheus; Fat Germans in their awful "Fracks," Pale Frenchmen, too, a bit _decolletes_, And dapper Britons with attacks Of livers and digestions faulty. A garden fair with "Quellen" foul-- _Ach, Himmel_! How they taste those "Quellen"! Then rolls and coffee, next a prowl Among the shops with JANE or ELLEN; The mid-day meal at _table d'hote_, All windows closed--a climate hellish!-- With dishes too crackjaw to quote, And sometimes difficult to relish. An afternoon of drowsy drives-- How these poor foreigners love driving To places where, when one arrives, There's nought for which it's worth arriving!-- A "Belvedere"--like Primrose Hill, A "Gartenhaus," tobacco-scented; Yet there they smoke, and moon, and swill, Quite adipose, and self-contented. A "Kursaal," very large, and fine; A Theatre, small, and shabby-splendid; More beer, more music, ditto wine (This latter can be much commended). The Military (each salutes!) With HANNCHEN on their arm or MARIE; I wonder where they get those boots-- I mean, of course, the Military. Lawn-Tennis and an "English Club," Frequented now by Lords and Princes, Where every snobling likes to rub His elbows with a Peer, who winces; The tittle-tattle of the cliques, Some half-proposals for our daughters-- Such is the life that makes for weeks A fortune--for the German Waters! * * * * * CHOOSING HIS WORDS. (_MADE IN GERMANY._) According to the _Hochliche Zeitung_, His Imperial Majesty said that although the sky was apparently cloudless, the atmosphere might be charged with electricity. He knew what that electricity denoted. There were thunderbolts in the clouds and thunderbolts on earth. Those on earth meant war and invasion. He warned those who threatened the Fatherland, that there were a million of swords ready to spring forth from a million of scabbards. It was well enough to be neighbourly when those who lived in your vicinity were benevolently inclined. But when they showed a disposition to be offensive, then it was necessary to sharpen your swords and keep your power dry. They had already conquered France, and were not afraid of Russia. Besides, the Army contained young soldiers who would be the better for a real campaign. He himself had no objection to visiting Paris and St. Petersburg, as a German Emperor should--at the head of a German Army. Still he might again remark, it was splendid weather, he saw nothing but blue sky.