_Average Man._ It's a fact. _First W. I. M._ (_triumphant_). Well, how do you account for his not being there now? _Average Man._ He is there. _First W. I. M._ He isn't. Lord CROMER'S there. Here it is. (_Producing Times._) "Lord CROMER has protested in person." So come! _Average Man._ All right. I know all that. Only, unfortunately, they're one and the same person. _First W. I. M._, _Second W. I. M._ (_together_). Oh, I daresay; and you think we're going to swallow that. You tell that to your Grandmother! [_Both remain absolutely unconvinced._ _Inquirer._ But what's this about the French? What have they got to do with it? _Second W. I. M._ Oh, they've got their fingers in every pie; always making mischief. _First W. I. M._ Quite true; but they'll find we're going to sit tight in spite of them, so the sooner they cart themselves and their blessed old Pyramids out of the country the better. _Inquirer._ Why should they take the Pyramids? _First W. I. M._ Well, they built 'em, so I suppose they've got a right to do what they like with them. _Inquirer._ Of course. [_Terminus._ * * * * * [Illustration: "H.M.S. 'TOKO.'" _Nurse Britannia._ "ALLOW ME TO INFORM YOUR HIGHNESS HERE COMES A BOX OF SOLDIERS YOU _MUSTN'T_ PLAY WITH."] * * * * * _The Red Spider_, by BARING GOULD, is to be dramatised. What a chance this would have been for the "Brothers WEBB," were they still in stage-land. * * * * * SOLE SURVIVORS.--The uppers of a Tramp's highlows. * * * * * SHARP FIGHTING AT RANGOON.--We hope soon to hear that the Kachins are Kachin' it hot. * * * * * ADVICE TO THOSE "UP A GUM TREE" (_by "Non Possum_").--Come down as quickly as you can, and don't stick there. * * * * * [Illustration: A LESSON IN FRENCH. _Fraeulein Schnips_ (_who does not devote as much attention to the Toilet as she does to Study, addresses Master Edward who has been made to join in his Sister's lessons during his holidays_). "EDFARD, FOT IS 'I VASH MY HANDS' IN FRENCH?" _Master Edward_ (_sulkily_). "JE ME LAVE LES MAINS." _F. S._ "NOW DEN. 'I DO NOT VASH MY HANDS.' GU'EST-CE GUE C'EST GUE CA?" _Master Edward_ (_seizing his opportunity_). "EH BIEN, C'EST UNE HABITUDE SALE, DONT VOUS DEVRIEZ AVOIR HONTE!"] * * * * * "SOME DAY!" (_Latest Egyptian Version of Milton Welling's popular Song._) Mr. BULL _to_ Miss EGYPT, _sings_:--