ROBERT WITH THE CHILDREN AT GILDHALL. Well, I don't quite kno as I quite hunderstans what's bin a goin on in our old Sacred Gildall, or weather it's all xactly what sum of our werry sollemest Holldermen, or ewen our werry anshent Depputys, might admire; but I must say, for myself, that too thowsand more owdashus boys, and larfing gals, I never seed nor herd than I did on Toosday larst, for about fore hours, in old Gildall aforesaid! Jest to show how the werry best, aye and the werry wisest on us, gets carried away by the site of swarms of appy children a enjoying thereselves, as praps they never did afore, I feels myself compelled to state, that our good kind Lord MARE was so delighted to see sich swarms of appy children all round him and looking up to him so appy and so grateful, that, jest afore it was time to go, he acshally told 'em a most wunderful story all about two great Giants as lived in the rain of King LUD, on Ludgate Hill. I was that estonished when he begun, as to amost think that GOG and MAGOG, as stood on both sides of him, would begin to grin, but that was, of course, only a passing delushun. But didn't all the children lissen with open mouths when the Lord MARE told 'em that one of the Giants had too heads, and the other three! and that a very good boy named JACK managed to kill 'em both! And so all was ended but the cheering, and that the pore delited children kept up till they all marched out, smiling and appy, and wishing as such glorious heavenings was in store for them in grand old Gildall for many, many years to come, and with sitch a Lord Mare to see as everything was done as it had been done that jolly heavening. ROBERT. * * * * * DWARFS.--Of course there are dwarfs. Lots of 'em all over the world. At least no experienced traveller ever yet made a stay in any country without becoming acquainted with plenty of people who were "uncommonly 'short' just at that moment,"--"that moment" being when the impecunious traveller wanted to obtain a slight loan. The author of _Borrow in Spain_ would have been an authority on such a subject. * * * * * TRANSFORMATION SCENE.--Dear Sir, I see by the paper that "Mr. EDMUND YATES has been made a J. P." Odd! What does "J. P." stand for? Oh, of course, "JOE PARKINSON." But does "E. Y." on becoming "J. P." cease to be "MOI-MEME"?--Yours, M. MUDDLE. * * * * * [Illustration: A TOO INQUIRING MIND. "HOW WAS _I_ MADE, MAMMIE DARLING? WAS I _KNITTED_?"] * * * * * THE LATEST TRADE OUTRAGE! (_Scene from the New and Unpopular Sensation Drama of "The Monopoly-Monster and the Maid Forlorn."_)