A is an Afghan, whose knife bids one quail; B is a Boer, who made England turn pale; C is a Chinaman, proud of his tail; D is a Dutchman, who loves pipe and ale; E is an Eskimo, packed like a bale; F is a Frenchman, _a Paris fidele_; G is a German, he fought tooth and nail; H is a Highlander, otherwise Gael; I is an Irishman, just out of gaol; J is a Jew at a furniture sale; K is a Kalmuck, not high in the scale; L is a Lowlander, swallowing kale; M a Malay, a most murderous male; N a Norwegian, who dwells near the whale; O is an Ojibway, brave on the trail; P is a Pole with a past to bewail; Q is a Queenslander, sunburnt and hale; R is a Russian, against whom we rail; S is a Spaniard, as slow as a snail; T is a Turk with his wife in a veil; U a United States' Student at Yale; V a Venetian in gondola frail; W Welshman, with coal, slate,--and shale; X is a Xanthian--or is he too stale?-- Y is a Yorkshireman, bred by the Swale; Z is a Zulu;--and now letters fail. * * * * * THE LATEST PARADOX.--JOHN STRANGE WINTER is taking Summer-y proceedings against the Coming Crinoline. Henceforth she will be always known as "the WINTER of our Discontent." * * * * * "GOOD BUS."--From the _Times_ money article we learn that PARR'S Banking Co., Limited, is paying 19 per cent. The price of the shares, therefore, must be considerably "_above par_." Capital this, for _Ma'_! * * * * * [Illustration: SHOCKING TRADE OUTRAGE! (_Scene from the New and Unpopular Sensation Drama of "The Monopoly-Monster and the Maid Forlorn."_) "OH! WHO'LL BRING A RESCUE OR TWO TO THE HELP OF A MUCH-INJURED MAID, THUS CRUELLY BOUND HAND AND FOOT, AND BY MISCREANTS RUTHLESSLY LAID ON THE LINES, IN THE PATHWAY OF PERIL? THE MONSTER SNORTS NEARER! BOHOO! 'TIS A MELODRAME-CRISIS OF DANGER!--AND _WHO'LL_ BRING A RESCUE OR TWO?"] * * * * * [Illustration: SUBACIDITIES. _Gladys._ "OH, MURIEL DEAR, THAT HEAVENLY FROCK!--I THINK IT LOOKS LOVELIER EVERY YEAR!"] * * * * * THE LAY OF THE (MUSIC-HALL) LAUREATE. Ah! Who talks of the reversion of the Laurel, Of your MORRISSES, and SWINBURNES, and that gang? _I_ could lick them in a canter--that's a moral! I'm the most prolific bard who ever sang. Of the modern Music Hall I'm chosen Laureate, My cackle and my patter fill the Town; I'm more popular than BURNS, a thing to glory at; My name is PINDAR BOANERGES BROWN. You have never heard it mentioned? Highly probable A hundred duffers flourish on _my_ fame; But the Muse is _so_ peculiarly rob-able, And I am very little known--by name? But ask the Big BONASSUS--on the Q. T.-- Or ask the Sisters SQUORKS, of P. B. B. And they'll tell you Titan Talent, Siren Beauty, Would be both the frostiest fizzles but for Me!