And if _they_ won't, let manhood and sound sense Arise in wrath and warn the horror off, Ere she effect a lodgment on the limbs Of pretty girls, or clothe our matron's shapes With shame as with a garment. "Get thee gone!" Cries _Punch_, and shakes his gingham in her face. "The Silly Season's Nemesis we may stand, But thou, the loathlier Bogey? _Garn away!_ (As 'LIZA said to amorous 'ARRY 'AWKINS) Avaunt, skedaddle, slope, absquatulate, Go, gruesome ghoul--go quickly--and for ever!!!" * * * * * MRS. R.'S nephew read out an announcement to the effect that Messrs. MACMILLAN were about to publish Lord CARNARVON'S "Prometheus Bound." "Indeed!" exclaimed Mr. R.'s excellent aunt. "That's very vague. Doesn't it say how it's to be bound?--whether in calf or vellum?" * * * * * [Illustration: "AN INTERNATIONAL EPISODE." _Hostess._ "ER--ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE--ER--MR. CORNELIUS P. VAN DUNK, FROM CHICAGO--MR. KEMBLE MACREADY KEAN, THE GREAT TRAGEDIAN, AND MANAGER OF THE PARTHENON." _Mr. Van Dunk._ "MR. KEMBLE MACREADY KEAN! SIR, YOUR NAME'S VERY FAMILIAR TO ME, AND I'M PROUD TO KNOW YOU!--AND I SHALL TAKE AN EARLY OPPORTUNITY OF ASKING YOU FOR SOME ORDERS FOR YOUR THEATRE!"] * * * * * LAPSUS LINGUAE. ["There is scarcely one of us who does not violate some rule of English grammar in every sentence which he speaks."--_Daily News._] Never we dreamt of this horrible blundering! Up to the present, we cheerfully spoke Quite unaware of our errors, nor wondering How many rules in each sentence we broke. Now we can scarcely pronounce the admission that Grammar and parsing we freely neglect, Scarcely can dare to make humble petition that Someone or other will cure this defect! Often we err in the use of each particle, Seldom observe where our adverbs belong, Wholly misplace the indefinite article, In our subjunctives go hopelessly wrong! What can we do? Will the _Daily News_ qualify As an instructor in matters like these? How can we quickest successfully mollify Those whom our errors must sadly displease? Scarce can we venture the veriest platitude, May not its grammar be shamefully weak? You, _Mr. Punch_, can rely on our gratitude, If you will tell us--how _ought_ we to speak? * * * * *