THE RAILWAY SERVANT'S VADE-MECUM. _Question._ What are the duties of a Pointsman? _Answer._ To remember the effect of moving the switches. _Q._ When is he likely to cease to remember this important detail? _A._ After he has been on duty a certain or uncertain number of hours. _Q._ Do these conditions also appertain to the labours of a man in the signal-box? _A._ Certainly, but in a more marked degree. _Q._ What would a collision consequent upon the occasion to which you have referred be called? _A._ Generally, "an accident." _Q._ But would there ever be an exception to this nomenclature? _A._ Yes; in the case of a Coroner being over-officious, and his Jury "turning nasty." _Q._ What would be the effect of this unpleasant combination of circumstances? _A._ That a verdict of "Manslaughter" would be given against the occupant of the signal-box. [Illustration] _Q._ What would happen to his superiors? _A._ Nothing. However, they would be required to see the proper evidence was forthcoming at the prisoner's trial. _Q._ What would be the end of the incident? _A._ Six months hard labour from the Bench, and a day's sympathy from the general Public for the ex-occupant of the signal-box. _Q._ What are the duties of a Station-master? _A._ To be civil to season-ticket holders, and to refer the general Public to officials of smaller importance than himself. _Q._ What is your impression of an ideal Station-master? _A._ A gentleman in correct morning dress taking a deep interest savouring of sincere satisfaction in all the arrangements of the traffic over which he exercises a qualified control. _Q._ If he is asked why such and such a train is an hour late, what should he reply? _A._ He should observe cheerily that it keeps better time than it used to do. _Q._ Should he ever exhibit surprise? _A._ Only when a train enters the station punctually to the moment, then he may safely presume that there must have been an accident somewhere. _Q._ And now in conclusion, how can an official secure in all human probability a long life? _A._ By taking care never to travel on his own line? * * * * * NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.