"Thank you. Then I'll say I go to bed with tuberculosis, and get up with HARRY CHAPLIN. The casual observer is, doubtless, aware that CHAPLIN has an eye. He sees it gleaming through the eyeglass. I feel it ever upon me. It is no slight thing to have succeeded a statesman of the calibre of CHAPLIN. But when he persistently sits opposite you, critically observing all your movements with that air of supreme intelligence which more than hints that, as MINISTER for AGRICULTURE, he was personally acquainted with every one of the cattle on a thousand hills, it is an ordeal that calls into play all the higher faculties of Man. As to the tuberculosis, it is always breaking out in unexpected places; people concerned insist upon regarding me as personally responsible for the visitation." [Illustration: THE POLITICAL FANCY DRESS BALL AT COVENT GARDEN.] "But," I said, "you have your little holiday, Saturday to Monday, and get out to dinner on off-nights?" "No," he sighed, "the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE has no off-nights; and if I go to church at the seaside on a Sunday, the Church-warden in passing round the collection-plate, is sure to steal into my hand a telegram, announcing a fresh outbreak of tuberculosis. As to going out to dinner----" [Illustration: Harry'd H-rry Ch-pl-n, as he appeared when meditating on Bimetallistic and Agricultural Distress.] "Ministers," CAUSTON here observed, "never dine out when the House is sitting, unless commanded by the QUEEN, and Whips can't be spared even to dine with HER MAJESTY." "As to going out to dinner," continued the GRAND YOUNG GARDNER, ignoring the interruption of his genial colleague, "it is impossible. It was said, I believe by one of themselves, 'The Guard dies, but never surrenders.' I may add, the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE lunches but never dines. What would become of the Government if a division-bell rang and he was found out of the way? Now to-night, you would say, looking at the business, I might well be spared. We commence with KIMBER on disparities in the representation of constituencies. ROLLIT will follow in the interests of undersized flat-fish. What has the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE to do with flat-fish of whatever size? you might ask. To the casual observer, nothing. But, looking ahead, as the responsibilities of my position make it necessary I should habitually do, I recall the fact that sometimes the placid pilchard is cast upon our shores in such quantities as to be carted away for manurial purposes. I am not intimately acquainted with the pilchard. It is not like the terrapin a land fish. I am not sure it is flat. Still I have a strong impression it is undersized. Therefore it might come within the purview of the discussion on ROLLIT'S motion. MUNDELLA, as you say, is in charge of the debate, and I might comfortably go to dinner. But what does MUNDELLA know of manure? No; the MINISTER for AGRICULTURE remains, and will dine,--if necessary die, at his post."