"The Architect," quoth he, "had planned To grave upon the panes Portraits of bygone Classic wights, Of British youth the banes. "But as the Chairman of the Works' Committee he had said, That CICERO should be deposed, And DIGGLE reign instead. "To oust HERODOTUS would be An inexpensive job, And SOCRATES should be bowled out By a seductive LOBB." Further, he argued that it would Only be right and manly If ARCHIMEDES did resign His pane to LYULPH STANLEY. And out he brought his final word Both modestly and soberly-- "I think that JULIUS CAESAR might Give place to General MOBERLY!" O Boardmen, shall the little plan Be thus allowed to pass? It will, unless your Veto stop _This_ filling of the glass! * * * * * TO ZANTE. (_An Appeal. After E. A. Poe._) "Fair Isle, that from the fairest of all flowers Thy gentlest of all gentle names doth take!" How many memories of fierce seismic powers At sight of thee, as now thou art, awake! How many scenes of what departed bliss! How many thoughts of what entombed hopes! Did FALB foresee such ruinous wreck as this? No more sits Peace upon thy verdant slopes! _Subscriptions!_ Ah, that magical sweet sound Appeals to all, or _should_ appeal. More! More! Suffering demands still _more_! Charity's ground _Punch_ now must hold thy flower-enamelled shore, O Hyacinthine Isle! O purple Zante! "_Isola d'oro! Fior di Levante!_" * * * * * NEW NAME FOR IT. (_By a non-believer in the much-talked-of--and talking--"League._"),--Imperial _Fad_-oration! * * * * * [Illustration: A LAMENT. _Little Simpkins._ "NEARLY ALL OUR BEST MEN ARE DEAD! CARLYLE, TENNYSON, BROWNING, GEORGE ELIOT!----I'M NOT FEELING VERY WELL MYSELF!"] * * * * * "IN THE KEY OF RUTHENE." [The most gorgeous red yet discovered has lately been produced from the rare metal ruethenium.] Who'll sell me a second-hand lyre and a plectrum, Or (since it's the fashion) a mandoline? _Con amore_ I'd sing the new shade of the spectrum-- No spook, though it haunts me--its name is Ruthene. Nay, don't be alarmed, for I'm no supersubtle Decadent bard with an eye full of green; I merely (to copy the late _Captain Cuttle_) Am "making a note" in the key of Ruthene. Well, _R_'s a red letter, you see its ray glow forth-- Look in your "dic" if you doubt what I mean; Red, rufous, rouge, ruddy, rose, russet, and so forth, Have all rolling _r_'s like resplendent Ruthene. More "clamant" than carmine, vermilion, crimson, Costlier than diamond or ultramarine-- A deuce of a theme to chant lyrics or hymns on, Or rummage for orotund "rot," is Ruthene.