"The equilibrist's art," the Old Juggler replied, "Is not to be learned in a jiffy. With the help of your Eyes (_Ayes_), and your Nose (_Noes_), and good 'side,' You _may_ win--if you do not turn 'squiffy.'" "That is not said right," said the Caterpillar of State. "Not _quite_ right, I'm afraid," said ALICE, timidly; "some of the words have got altered." "It is wrong from beginning to end," said the Caterpillar, decidedly; and there was silence for some minutes. [Illustration: "FATHER WILLIAM." "YOU ARE OLD," SAID THE YOUTH; "ONE WOULD HARDLY SUPPOSE THAT YOUR EYE WAS AS STEADY AS EVER; YET YOU BALANCE THAT EEL ON THE END OF YOUR NOSE-- WHAT MAKES YOU SO AWFULLY CLEVER?" ] * * * * * AN ORATOR "POUR RIRE." (A STUDY IN HYDE PARK.) _The Scene is that Forum for Fadmongers--the angle of the Park fronting Cumberland Gate. A large and utterly irreverent crowd is listening with cheerful intolerance to a Persevering Gentleman, of a highly respectable and almost scholarly appearance, who is addressing them from a three-legged stool on nothing in particular, though he has apparently committed himself by charging a certain Statesman with at least two political murders._ _The Orator_ (_haltingly_). We who are fighting the battle--(_uproarious laughter from_ Crowd, _which he endures with dignified resignation_)--I say--we who are fighting the battle! _The Crowd._ 'Oo's talking about fightin' a battle?... _You_ wouldn't be 'ere if there was any battles about! 'E's a fair ole fraud, 'e is--that's about 'is sort! Shet up, you idiotic ole ass, do! (&c., &c.) _The Orator_ (_patiently_). I say once more--we who are fighting the----(_Howls of derision, at which he smiles, but perceives, regretfully, that the battle must be abandoned._) One of my friends here has seen fit to describe me as an idiotic old ass. ("_So you are!_") Well, I am glad, at least, that he pronounced it _ass_ with the vowel short, and not ass, for it shows that he has at least a certain regard for the Queen's English (_The_ Crowd _hasten to give the vowel sound all the breadth in their power_). I think I was--(_here he consults a sheaf of notes_)--offering some remarks upon Mr. WILLIAM WOBLER. Now we are told, "Speak evil of no man!" _The Crowd._ That's a good un! 'Oo spoke evil of Mr. BAGWIND jest now? _The Orator_ (_mildly hurt_). I never said a single unkind word about Mr. BAGWIND! _The Crowd._ Yer lie! Why, didn't you say as he murdered JETTISON and SCAPEGOAT? Wot yer call _that_, eh?