How, when my fluttered pet, believing her immaculate, Hied to her aid, and heard, "_You ain't a Lady, Mum!_" How I was forced to rather brutally ejaculate, "Rum! Very rum!--you see the cause of it is '_rum_.'" Oh! that first year of married paradise! My attitude Somehow, my sweet, on this our second Wedding-day, Needs must be one of unadulterated gratitude, Since we survive the Cook, you wept to send away! * * * * * "HAS LEFT BUT THE NAME."--The intention of the original starters of the Aquarium was presumably to exhibit fish of all sorts, all alive oh! and quite at home. Nowadays, very little about fish is to be found in the advertisements. The fish are, it may be supposed, "taken for granted." They are conspicuous by their absence; but instead you read how "a human being dives," how somebody conjures, how there are "miraculous feats," and "four-legged dancers," and "baby elephants" waltzing and drum-playing; how somebody of some importance "walks upside down in mid-air;" how there are "serpentine" dancers, "pantomimists," "duettists," and, finally, the "boxing kangaroo," so that altogether the Aquarium may still congratulate itself on a show of about the "queerest, oddest fish" in the world. * * * * * WHAT'S IN A NAME? ["At the World's Fair, in Chicago, the other day, the Rev. JOHN JAMESON, of Virginia, smashed a stand containing an exhibit of Irish Whiskey."] What's this? Am I dreaming? I fancy I am: But no--it is printed without any flam. "The Reverend gentleman stood by the stand, With a hickory cudgel upraised in his hand. Then, with fury and fire in his clerical eye, This temperate priest on the bottles let fly." Oh, the waste of good liquor; to think there should be A man who with whiskey would dare to make free; And to think--which but adds to the sin and the shame-- That the spoiler of whiskey should own such a name. One might sooner expect that some learned Q. C. Should abjure what he lives by, and welcomes--a fee; That a judge should break laws, or a gaoler break chains, Or a "guinea-pig" turn in disgust from his gains; That a bookie should preach, or a bishop should bet, That a slave of the Season should break etiquette; A landlord proclaim his dislike of his rent, Sleek MOSES protest against eighty per cent; That a priest should cast doubts on a stole or a cope, Or PE*RS hint a fault in the worth of his soap. Such sights would be strange, but they cannot compare With the sight that was seen t'other day at the Fair, When JOHN JAMESON smashed (or the newspapers fib it) With his hickory cudgel a whiskey-exhibit. * * * * * THE LATEST PARISIAN "ROMANCE." (_Translated from the original French Canard._)