there won't be no room. We'll take the Agricultural 'All, and have a catalogue and everythink. "Set of Elizabethian sheep's trotters, from the Hearl of ALAMODE." eh? "Pound of Queen Anne saveloys, from the Markis o' MILE-END." "Yard o' flypaper, from the Dook o' SHOREDITCH." "Packet of 'airpins, persented by seven 'underd lydies of Whitechapel." "Donkey-barrer an' kerridge-rug, from the residents in the Ole Kent Road." Etceterer ... I do wish you wouldn't go on so foolish! Why, if someone hain't sent her a set o' straw soles to keep her shoes dry--what _next_, I wonder!... And a very sensible thing too.... Well, my dear, I'm sure nothing can't be too good for her, and they've certainly been set up with every blessing a young couple can require--and may they live long to enjoy them! [_And so says Mr. Punch._ * * * * * [Illustration: A SLAVE TO COURTESY. _He._ "DO YOU MIND STOPPIN' A BIT NOW. I GET RATHER GIDDY, DON'TCHERKNOW." _She._ "BUT IF YOU GET GIDDY, WHY DO YOU COME TO DANCES?" _He._ "WELL, I'M A BACHELOR AND THAT SORT OF THING, AND IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN SEE OF REPAYIN' HOSPITALITY."] * * * * * Parliamentary Declension. _Nominative_--M.P. "named." _Genitive_--M.P. in possession of the House. _Dative_--Giving it hot to M.P. _Accusative_--Charge against M.P. _Vocative_--"O! O!" and (pro-vocative cries). _Ablative_--M.P. is removed in custody of Serjeant-at-Arms. * * * * * The subject of conversation in the presence of Mrs. R. was the Darlington magistrates' decision in the palmistry case. "Yet," remarked our old friend, thoughtfully, "palmistry is very ancient, and practised professionally by most excellent and good people. Isn't DAVID always spoken of as 'The Palmist'?" * * * * * THE SONG OF THE SHOPKEEPER. Will the Season be long? Will the Season be short? Parliament's going strong! Plenty of stir at Court! Cholera rumours abroad, Summer weather at home, Us a chance may afford; I only hope it may come! Royal Marriage over! Money remarkably "tight"! Landlords _may_ live in clover. Shopkeepers' pull seems slight. Will some of our Oracles clever Tell a poor chap what he axes? For three things go on for ever, And those are Rents, Rates, and Taxes! * * * * * THE VOLUNTEERS' VADE MECUM. (_For the Centre Weeks of July._) _Question._ Do you prefer Bisley to Wimbledon? _Answer._ Officially, yes; as a civilian, no. _Q._ Why do you make the distinction? _A._ Because I go to Bisley in a double capacity. _Q._ Why do you prefer Bisley to Wimbledon officially? _A._ Because there are no distractions, and the ranges are less subject to atmospheric interruption. _Q._ Why do you prefer Wimbledon to Bisley as a civilian?