I write not on a slate, but foolscap fair: It falls to the Waste-paper Basket's care. If _not_, the Minor Poet's still ill-fated, 'Tis by some Minor Critic now he's "slated." Far better than that stabber's spiteful lunge, Were "a clean slate" and kind oblivion's "sponge." [Illustration: "THROUGH THE LOCK."] * * * * * [Illustration: QUITE A LITTLE PARABLE. _The Rector (returning from day's fishing--in reply to usual question)._ "SPORT? OH! WRETCHED!! WRETCHED!!! TRIED EVERY DODGE I COULD THINK OF, BUT NOTHING WOULD TEMPT 'EM." _Canny Scot (who rather suspects the Rector of a fondness for good living)._ "A--WEEL RECTHOR, NA DOOT THEY SET SOME ON US A POORFUL EXAMPLE I' NO GIVIN' WAY TO THEIR CARNAL PROCLEEVITIES, AND REFUSIN' TO BE TA'EN IN BY THE FA'SE BLANDISHMENTS O' THE DEEVIL, I' THE SHAPE O' YER _AWN_ ARTIFEECIAL FLEES."] * * * * * THE VOICE OF THE THAMES. Leave, dweller in the smoke-bound street, Your native London's ceaseless noise. With aching head and weary feet Turn from the town's delusive joys. On dusty terrace, grimy square, A dismal pall seems settling down; Be not the Season's slave, and dare, Oh town-bred man, to leave the town. The town can spare you; it may chance The Park will fill without your aid; And still at many a matron's dance Moist man will whirl with panting maid. Vast dinners still will be as slow, The night will still be turned to day, And all the giddy round will go As wild and well with you away. But here the days are passing fair, The sun shines bright, the leaves are green; Cool on your forehead breathes the air, The very smoke seems fresh and clean. And over all the winding miles, Where erst his foaming torrents ran, The clear, calm Thames breaks forth in smiles Of welcome to the London man. Bend to your oars, away, away! Then rest awhile, or deftly steer Where topped with rainbow clouds of spray The waters tumble o'er the weir. Nor scorn the man whom, moored for hours, Nor failure daunts nor jeers affront, Who sits, unheeding sun or showers, A fishless angler in a punt. Then, when at eve the ringdove's call Is hushed upon the wooded hill, And slowly lengthening shadows fall On field and stream, and all is still, Drift homewards, thanking Heaven that made You free to dream awhile your dream In this fair scene of sun and shade, On gentle Thames's crystal stream. * * * * * EXAMINATION PAPER FOR LADIES. (_To be set to Débutantes who have completed their first Season._) 1. What do you think of London in comparison with the country? 2. Write a short Essay upon your initial ball, giving your impressions of (1) your partners, (2) your dances, and (3) the supper. 3. Given three dances a night six evenings a week, what will be the cost of bouquets a quarter?