_Shilling and Sixpenny Spectators._ That's the police station on that boat where the two Bobbies are.... 'Ere's a rummy couple coming along in this boat! See the bloke with the bald 'ed, and the ole girl in a pink bonnet?... There, they've run slap into them others, and the ole bloke's got his 'eels in the air. Oh, dear, oh, dear!... Look at the bobbies tryin' to run 'em in. Lor, they're all pourin' water on to each other's 'eds as 'ard as they can go! 'Ere's the ole walrus swimmin' up now, d'ye _see_? And the ole Clown a fishin' for 'im. 'E's bin an' dragged 'im 'in 'ed foremost! Look at the walrus a duckin' o' the ole woman. Hor, hor, if ever I see the like o' that! Is that like 'ow they 'unt walruses, Father, eh? Blest if the ole walrus ain't got into the station 'ouse _after_ 'em. Look at 'em all gittin' out on the roof--_in_ they jump! And the ole girl goin' in backards, hor, hor! And the other bloke any'ow. See the 'ole admiral in the cocked 'at a takin' sights through 'is spy-glorss! Now they're gittin' the 'arpoon ready. There, they've copped 'im--it's all over! Well, that _was_ a good lark, and no mistake! AT THE LANDING-PLACE--AFTER SHOOTING THE CHUTES. Oh, it was perfectly splendid! We put the rugs right over our heads, and didn't get wet a bit!... I don't know if you're aware of it, my dear, but you've got black streaks all down your face. Gracious! it's the dye from my veil. Do I look very dreadful, dear? Well, it _shows_, of course--but I wouldn't touch it, or you'll make it worse.... This lot got a ducking, and no mistake--_look_ at 'em--ho, ho!... I say, dear old chap, you _ought_ to have come too--it was ripping! Splashed? No, nothing to speak of. Eh? "My hat?" What's _wrong_ with it? Oh, confound it all! I only took a front seat to oblige those two girls. Yes, _I_ can see they're giggling at me as well as you can. Look here, old fellow, _do_ you know if there's a place here where I can get my hat ironed, and buy a collar and tie? Because I've got to meet the CHAFFINGTONS here, and dine with 'em and that. "So have _you_?" Then _that_'s why you backed out of going down the Chute! Why the deuce didn't you _say_ so? Oh, if you're going to stand there laughing like a fool, I'm off! I may just have time to---- Hang it; there _are_ the CHAFFINGTON girls! Is my collar too _beastly_ limp? you might _tell_ a fellow! * * * * * TO A DROSHKY-DRIVER. (_By a Quondam Fare._) [Illustration] Here's a health to you, GOSPODIN IVÁNOFF-- Or whatever your name may chance to be-- Of _vodka_ I'll toss you a full _stakán_ off (A tumbler, I mean, of _eau de vie_); And I'll sing you _fortissimo con furore_ Your national hymn, in a cheerful key, ('Twill colour with local tone my story, To start with your "_Bozhe Tsaryá khrani_").