_Telegram No. 1._--Nothing could have been more terrible than the scene following upon the earthquake. The houses sank through the ground, and immediately a number of lions, tigers, and poisonous serpents, attracted by the unusual occurrence, sprang upon the poor inhabitants, and by their fierce attacks increased their misfortune. But this was not all. Men and women, using swords, battle-axes, and revolvers, fought amongst themselves, until the commotion created by the landslip assumed the appearance of a pandemonium. At this moment, to make confusion worse confounded, a heavy storm broke over the fast-disappearing village, and thunderbolts fell like peas expelled through a peashooter. As if this were not enough, several prairie fires crept up, and the flames augmented the general discomfort. Take it all and all, the sight was enough to make the cheek grow pale with terror and apprehension. _Telegram No. 2._--Please omit lions, tigers, poisonous serpents, swords, battle-axes, revolvers, thunderbolts, prairie fires and cheek. They were forwarded in Telegram No. 1 owing to a clerical error. * * * * * MRS. R. STARTLED.--"Most extraordinary things are reported in the papers!" observed Mrs. R. "Only the other day I either heard or read that there was a dangerous glazier somewhere about in the Caucasus, that he was using horrible language, and threatening to d---- you'll excuse my using such a word--the Terek (whoever he may be), and that then he was going to amuse--no, the word was 'divert'--somebody. Clearly a lunatic. But who can be diverted by such antics? And why don't they lock up the glazier?" [_On referring to the report, her nephew read that "A glacier was causing great alarm." &c., &c., that it was expected temporarily to "dam the Terek, and divert a vast body of water_," &c.] * * * * * [Illustration: PISCATORIAL POLITENESS. (_From a Yorkshire stream._) _Privileged Old Keeper_ (_to Member of Fishing Club, of profuse and ruddy locks, who is just about to try for the Big Trout, a very wary fish_). "KEEP YER HEAD DOON, SIR, KEEP YER HEAD DOON!" (_Becoming exasperated._) "'ORD BOU IT, MAN, KEEP YER HEAD DOON! YER M'T AS WEEL COME WI' A TORCH-LEET PROCESSION TO TAK' A FISH!"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.