_A._ Quite so. It is an easy matter to get an entire company on excellent terms. Not that money is of any importance; for you may as well promise five pounds a week as five shillings, if you do not intend to pay. _Q._ Having secured your company, what is the next step? _A._ To make them rehearse three weeks or a month without a salary. _Q._ I suppose you have no trouble about obtaining a piece on advantageous terms? _A._ None whatever. If you are lucky you will get some conceited noodle to pay you for producing his play; and if you are not so fortunate, why at least you will get a drama, comedy, or burlesque for nothing. _Q._ Say that you are ready to begin, will you have any difficulty in obtaining the preliminary announcements? _A._ No. For having been trusted by the proprietor of the theatre, the advertisement agents will follow suit, and you will obtain sufficient publicity to balance your requirements. _Q._ And what will take place on and after the opening of the playhouse under your management? _A._ You will get more or less ready money taken at the doors during five days of the week, with which you can safely decamp without paying anybody on or before the sixth. _Q._ Will not your sudden departure cause some inconvenience to a large number of persons connected with the enterprise? _A._ Assuredly. Many of the company you have engaged will starve, and the other parties to the proceedings will use strong language as they wipe off your liability as a bad debt. _Q._ Is it possible that you will be made a bankrupt? _A._ Not only possible, but probable. _Q._ And will this end your theatrical career? _A._ Why, of course not. All you will have to do is to take a little holiday. _Q._ And after the holiday, what next? _A._ Why, then you can secure another theatre and repeat the proceedings with exactly similar results. * * * * * [Illustration: NEWS FROM THE LAW COURTS. Cold but In-vig-orating.] * * * * * THE GINGHAM-GRABBER. Someone wrote, "Killing's no Murder." Nothing well could be absurder! But to many in our time Stealing (umbrellas) seems no crime. Therefore, to a frank plain dealer, Killing--an umbrella-stealer-- Might be called--by Justice tried-- Justifiable Snobicide! * * * * * [Illustration: "CRAMMING." _Affectionate Uncle._ "GLAD TO SEE YOU, RUPERT. NOW TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT. WHAT FORM ARE YOU IN, OLD BOY?" _Nephew (just returned from Harrow)._ "WELL, UNCLE, NOT SO BAD, I THINK. I CAN GENERALLY MANAGE A COUPLE OF EGGS, TWO SAUSAGES OR KIDNEYS, SOME DUNDEE MARMALADE, AND TWO CUPS OF COFFEE FOR BREAKFAST. I ALWAYS HAVE A LITTLE LUNCHEON, ANY AMOUNT OF ROAST BEEF OR MUTTON FOR DINNER, AND I GENERALLY LOOK IN AT THE CONFECTIONER'S IN THE AFTERNOON, AND INVARIABLY WIND UP WITH A GOOD SUPPER. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?"