Nay, what is this? How steady! Here we are! Field breezes mingle with the oil and tar, And with a shudder I behold anear The solid weed-hung timbers of the pier. Perfidious sea! I'll trust thee never more, And mock thy fury safely from the shore. * * * * * TO HEBE. (_See the Report of the Lady Commissioners on Women's Labour._) Waitress! with the dimpled chin, Cap as clean as a new pin, Here's a feather to put in! For Miss ORME'S report declares That no male with you compares In the showing off of wares. Be it counter, be it bar, You can "dress" it--you're its star, Bright, and _most_ particular! Grievances you have, no doubt; Which of us exists without? Still, you do not pine or pout. Standing with reluctant feet Always ready, trim, and neat, No one tells _you_--"Take a seat!" Hours are long, and meal-time short, Mashing bores, who think it "sport," Say the things they didn't ought! Gather, then, the tips that fall; Don't let vulgar chaff appal; To the Bar you've had your "call"! * * * * * CON. FOR COMPETITIVE SPORTSMEN.--_Q._ What is the most unpopular thing in the (sporting) world? _A._ A "record," because it is always being "cut," by everybody, everywhere, every day. * * * * * [Illustration: THE GREAT AFRICAN LION-TAMER.] ["He fully admitted the difficulties of the Government and Sir HENRY LOCH. Both found themselves to be in a most exceptionally difficult position, created by those who had gone before them by granting in the wrong way the charter to the Company. He admitted that both Lord RIPON and Sir HENRY LOCH did their best in the circumstances for a long time to maintain peace; both urged that war should be avoided.... Mr. RHODES was Prime Minister of Cape Colony, and obviously Sir HENRY LOCH had an exceedingly difficult position in dealing as Prime Minister and as the head of the Company with that gentleman, to whom he could not say that he did not quite believe him, and that he was forcing on the war."--_Mr. Labouchere on the Chartered Company and Matabeleland._] _Lion-Tamer_ (_grandly_). "Walk up, walk up, ladies and gentlemen! See the great African live lion, Matabele--called Lo Ben for short--larger than (average) life, and thrice as natural as normal (menagerie) nature! Walk up! Walk up! Taming process just about to begin---- _Agent of Menagerie Proprietor_ (_sotto voce_). Oh, well you know--subject, of course, to--ahem!--every provision being made for--a--_humanity_--and--ahem--every precaution being taken against--a--a--needless risks, you know, and--a--obvious cruelty, you see--and--ahem!--all that sort of thing, don't you know.