_Step Four._--Having got a Parliament, the nation establishes school boards, railways, stockbrokers, and penny ices. _Step Five._--Having become fairly civilised, the nation takes up art and commerce. _Step Six._--Having realised considerable wealth, the nation purchases any amount of ironclads, heavy ordnance, and ammunition. _Step Seven._--Having the means within reach, the nation indulges in a terrific war. _Step Eight and Last._--Having lost everything, the nation returns with a sigh of relief to old-fashioned barbarism. [Illustration: THE TRIUMPH OF CIVILISATION!] * * * * * [Illustration: A HINT TO THE POSTAL AUTHORITIES. THE EMPLOYMENT OF GOOD-LOOKING AND ATTRACTIVE YOUNG MEN IN CLEARING THE LETTER-BOXES UNDOUBTEDLY RESULTS IN FREQUENT DETENTION OF THE MAILS.] * * * * * EASTWARD HO! "Oh East is East, and West is West," says strenuous RUDYARD KIPLING, And what has the West taught to the East, save the science of war, and tippling? To ram, and to torpedo, and to drain Drink's poisoned flagons? And Civilisation sees her work in--armour-plated Dragons! The saurians of primeval slime they fought with tooth and claw, And SHO-KI'S dragon, though possessed of wondrous powers of jaw, And MIOCHIN'S scaly monster, whereat SHO-KI'S pluck might melt, And the dragon speared by stout St. George in the bold cartoons of SKELT,-- These were but simple monsters, like the giants slain by JACK, But your dragon cased in armour-plate with turrets on his back, And a charged torpedo twisted in his huge and horrid tail. Is a thing to stagger Science, and to make poor Peace turn pale! Yes, East is East, and West is West; but the West looks on the East, And sees the bold Jap summoning to War's wild raven-feast The saffron-faced Celestial; and the game they're going to play (With a touch of Eastern goriness) in the wicked Western way. For the yellow-man has borrowed from the white-man all that's bad, From shoddy and fire-water, to the costly Ironclad. He will not have our Bibles, but he welcomes our Big Guns, And he blends with the wild savagery of Vandals, Goths or Huns, The scientific slaughter of the Blood-and-Iron Teuton!-- A sight that Civilisation would right willingly be mute on. But these armour-plated dragons that infest the Yellow Sea Are worse than the Norse "Dragons" whose black raven flag flew free O'er fiord and ocean-furrow in the valorous Viking days. Heathen Chinee and Pagan Jap have learned our Western ways Of multitudinous bloodshed; every slaughtering appliance, Devices of death-dealing skill, and deviltries of Science Strengthen the stealthy Mongol and the sanguinary Turk; And Civilisation stands, and stares, and cries, "Is this _my_ work?" * * * * * Mem. by a Muddled One.