"Nowheres in particular. I was brought up in the wilds of Canada. There's not much book learning over there," and the rough fellow indulged in a loud hoarse laugh. "Ah! that accounts for your not having enjoyed the great advantages of the School Board. Have you seen the circular--have you read the details of the proposed appointment?" "Me read!" cried the uncouth one; "oh, that is a game! Why I can't read nor yet write!" "Better and better," said Committee Man No. One. "First rate," murmured Committee Man No. Two. "I think we have at length found our ideal." Then the usher read the advertisement. "What! shake the hall mat!" cried the candidate. "Why I could do that little job on my head!" So there being no other applicant for the post, the backwoods' ignoramus was appointed office-sweeper at a couple of hundred pounds a year. "Rather high wages," said the Chairman to himself, as he went home on the top of an omnibus; "but what can one expect when we educate all the children at the cost of the rates. Last year there was an additional farthing; this year we have to pay five shillings, and goodness only knows how much it will be hereafter!" And as he thought this, the Chairman (in the names of the rest of the ratepayers) heartily cursed the School Board. * * * * * [Illustration: RETURNED EMPTY. _Old Mayfly_ (_who had dropped his Flask further down stream, and has just had it returned to him by Honest Rustic_). "DEAR ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" (_Gives him a Shilling._) "DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD HA' DONE WITHOUT IT!" (_Begins to unscrew top._) "MAY I OFFER YOU A----" _Honest Rustic._ "WELL, THANK Y', SIR, BUT ME AND MY MATE, NOT SEEIN' A HOWNER ABOUT, WE'VE TA'EN WHAT THERE WERE INSIDE."] * * * * * RE-DRESS REQUIRED. [A writer in the _Lancet_ draws attention to the fact that the regular hospital nurse's uniform is now worn as ordinary ladies' attire.] There's no doubt my new costume is _very_ becoming. I like the idea or the cape, and the apron is just perfect, while the little bonnet suits me to a T. Met cousin FRED, who said it was "fetching," and that "they wanted some of my sort at the hospitals." I said I thought the patients had good enough nurses at present; he replied "he didn't mean the patients--he meant the doctors." Of course I couldn't stand the drudgery of a nurse's life; but that's no reason why I shouldn't appropriate the uniform, is it? Walking down street. Met another nurse--a real one, I suppose. She stared, turned red, and then looked horribly offended. I believe she must have made some sign to me that I didn't understand. Are Nurses Freemasons, I wonder? Quite a secret society, it seems. Really that sort of thing oughtn't to be allowed. It makes things so awkward for the impost--the imitators, I mean.