Thus I delicately hinted It was time to jog your gee; And the proper view is printed, In the pagan _P. M. G._, Namely, that you might be chary Of a deal of sultry dirt, And do better in an airy Waistcoat with a cotton shirt. Doubtless habits have a lot to Do with character as such, Yet the prophet warns us not to Trust in colour very much; And indeed your yellow custard Came to smack of rotten cheese, Since they took to making mustard Books and Asters over-seas." * * * * * [Illustration: PEARLS BEFORE SWINE. _The Vicar._ "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT BURGUNDY? IT'S THE LAST BOTTLE OF SOME THE DEAR BISHOP GAVE ME. IT COST HIM _EIGHTEEN SHILLINGS A BOTTLE_!" _The Major._ "VERY NICE! BUT I SHOULD JUST LIKE YOU TO TRY SOME _I GAVE TWELVE SHILLINGS A DOZEN FOR_!"] * * * * * Noble Half Hundred!!! "We mean to keep our Empire in the East!" So sang the music halls with noisy _nous_, Well, one thing now is very clear at least, Our Empire in the East can't keep--a House! Is our Indian Government fairly cheap? men ask Are Anglo-Indian rulers wise and thrifty? The Commons meet to tackle that big task, And FOWLER'S speech is listened to by--_Fifty_! * * * * * ROBERT AT GRINNIDGE. [Illustration] How werry particklar sum peeple is in having it adwertised where they have gone to spend their summer holliday. I wunce saw it stated, sum years ago, that the Markis of SORLSBERRY had gone with the Marchoness to Deep, I think it was, and then follered the staggering annowncement that Mr. Deputy MUGGINS and Mrs. MUGGINS was a spending a hole week at Gravesend! I'm a having mine at Grinnidge, and had the honner last week of waiting upon the Ministerial Gents from Westminster, and a werry jowial lot of Gents they suttenly seems to be. I likes Grinnidge somehow; it brings back to fond memmory the appy days when I fust preposed to my Misses ROBERT in Grinnidge Park, and won from her blushing lips a fond awowal of her loving detachment for me! Ah! them was appy days, them was, and never cums more than wunce to us; no, not ewen in Grinnidge Park. I'm told as how as Appy Amsted is not at all a bad place for this sort of thing; but I cannot speak from werry much pussonal xperience there myself. Having a nour or two to spare before the Westminster Dinner, I took a strol in the butiful Park. Not quite the place for adwenters, but I had a little one there on that werry particklar day as I shant soon forget.