Or, steaming on the briny deep, Watch each on each we scarce need keep From off the ironclad's steel deck, Lest mutual foes meet common wreck. Lord, no! If a strange hull draw near, A _friendly_ voice salutes each ear. "What cheer?"-- Ho, brother, quickly tell!-- "Above!" "Below!" "_Messmates!_" "ALL'S WELL!!!" _1st Singer_ (_crescendo_). A-a-a-a-a-_bove!_ _2nd Singer_ (_diminuendo_). Be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-LOW!! _Tutti_ (_fortissimo_). A-A-A-A-LL'S WELL!!! ["_So mote it be!_" adds _Mr. P._] * * * * * OLLENDORFIAN. (_Example of the Very Latest French Exercise._) Our neighbour has many Colonies. The Colonies of our neighbour are very productive. Why should we not have (some) productive Colonies? The cook is more valiant than the lion. Let us send the Ambassador to the bad Queen. The bad Queen has pulled the nose of the Ambassador. She is very obstinate, but she is not very amiable. The soldiers, the sailors, the ships, the stores, and the ammunition will soon arrive. The island has a very good soil, but not a very good climate. Why have the soldiers and the sailors not yet marched to the capital? Because the soldiers and the sailors have all got the fever. Why have they got the fever? Because our neighbour is wicked. Does it rain like this every day? Yes, it rains every day in the wet season. Which, then, is the dry season in the island? There is no dry season in the island. It is right to live for glory. There is much glory in shooting barbarians. When the island is conquered, who will go and live in it? My tailor, my butcher, my wife's mother (the mother of my wife), and all my creditors, I hope, will go and live in it. We are not so rich as we once were. Why are we not so rich as we once were? Because we have spent all our money in trying to have big Colonies like our neighbour. If our neighbour is so wicked, why should we imitate him? He is only wicked because he has (the) big Colonies. * * * * * [Illustration: "ALL'S WELL!" BRITISH LION AND RUSSIAN BEAR (_together_). "WHAT A PITY WE DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE!"] * * * * * [Illustration: POLITICS AND GALLANTRY. _First 'Arry._ "HAY, WOT'S THIS 'ERE ROSEBERY A TORKIN' ABAAT? BLESS'D IF HE AIN'T A GOIN' TO DO AWY WITH THE LORDS!" _Second 'Arry_ (_more of a Don Juan than a Politician_). "DO AWY WITH THE 'OLE BLOOMIN' LOT O' LORDS, IF HE LIKES, AS LONG AS HE DON'T DO AWY WITH THE LIDIES!"] * * * * * TALK À LA MODE DE LONDRES. SCENE--_Interior of a Suburban Railway Carriage._ BROWN, JONES _and_ ROBINSON _discovered reading papers_. _Brown._ Wonderful this war between China and Japan. And all arising out of the Corea. By the way, where is the Corea?