_Q._ Which do you prefer--a story produced in parts, or a story published as a whole? _A._ Again a question of terms. Still, if remuneration is equal, sketches of character are easier than construction of plot. _Q._ When is the latter necessary? _A._ When the novel is written for a serial, and is published with the standing announcement (frequently repeated), "to be continued in our next." _Q._ Is it difficult to sketch character? _A._ Not if you do not mind irritating your friends and driving your foes into lunacy. _Q._ How do you irritate your friends? _A._ By reproducing in an amusing manner their peculiarities. _Q._ And how do you madden your foes? _A._ By passing them over in a dead silence, and sternly refusing to recognise their existence. _Q._ How should you treat your contemporaries? _A._ If you appreciate your work at its proper (that is to say, your _own_) value, you will not admire contemporaries. _Q._ And what will you say of authors of the past? _A._ That it is fortunate that they did live in the past, as they certainly do not exist in the present, and will certainly not revive in the future. _Q._ How should you criticise a contemporary's novel? _A._ If you are sure of his influencing a criticism of your own work favourably, praise his romance sky high. If he is, from a reviewer's point of view, a negligable quantity, why, treat him on that basis. _Q._ Then what is your motto? _A._ "Nothing for nothing." _Q._ Do you consider a novelist's life the best possible form of existence? _A._ I should say yes if I did not know of a form of existence to be even better. _Q._ And what is that? _A._ Inheriting a fortune, putting your hands in your pockets, and for the rest of your life doing nothing. * * * * * [Illustration: PREHISTORIC PEEPS. A LITTLE COVERT SHOOTING. (DRAGONS PLENTIFUL, AND STRONG ON THE WING.)] AMARE, O! (_By an Usher._) With weary brain I hear again The drowsy urchins stammer, O, From _mensa_ down through every noun That's in the Latin grammar, O! And when declensions pall, why then, The exercise to vary, O, I bid them show how well they know My sweet, sweet verb, _Amare_, O! "_Amo_, _amas_,--I love a lass," Her dainty name is NANCY, O, And none but she shall ever be The darling of my fancy, O! _Amavi_--well, in love I fell, And sure 'twas no vagary, O, For since that day I've learnt the way To conjugate _Amare_, O! I whisper now, "_Ama_, Love thou!" Amongst the fields of barley, O, And NANCE replies, with brimming eyes, "I love, I love thee, CHARLIE, O!" _Amo_, _ama_, the livelong day I'll teach my winsome fairy, O, For has not she resolved with me To conjugate _Amare_, O? * * * * * [Illustration: CAUTION. _The Major._ "DON'T YOU LIKE LIQUEURS, MRS. JINKS?"