How did I do it? Well, the day I left I got down early--half an hour or more Before you knew it. That's why you're bereft Of that one photograph from out your store. Yes--I have sinned, and suffered on the rack Of agonised remorse, although I trust I May be forgiven. I'll send the portrait back If that's the only way. But tell me--must I? * * * * * "QUITE A LITTLE 'OLIDAY."--Last Saturday the _Times_ notified one "HENRY HOLIDAY" officially in "editorial" type that, as regards the "calumny refuted," everything having been explained, apologised for, and generally settled all round, they meant to give the subject a complete holiday, but that as regarded the gentleman of that name who wrote to say "he wasn't satisfied," the _Times_ must treat _him_ as a "_Dies non_." * * * * * [Illustration: _Mr. G._ "I MAY FIND THIS EMINENTLY SERVICEABLE FOR EXAMINING THE LIBERAL MAJORITY." ["Mr. GLADSTONE has become an honorary member of the Guildford Microscopic Natural History Society."--_Daily Papers._]] * * * * * [Illustration: A MATTER FOR CONSIDERATION. SCENE--_Jones doing Honeymoon Driving Tour in Ireland. His Leader has just got one of the reins under his tail, and is lashing out vigorously_. _Jones._ "HERE! HI THERE! CATCH HOLD OF HIM! HANG IT ALL, CATCH HOLD OF HIM!" _Pat_. "BEGORRA THIN, WAS IT THIS IND YE'D BE AFTHER WANTIN' ME TO HOULD?"] * * * * * THE DAY OF SMALL THINGS. If you want a receipt for that Popular Mystery Known to the world as our own Grand Old Man, Take all the Titans and Crichtons of history, Rolling 'em all into one--if you can. Take JULIUS CÆSAR and TIGLATH-PILESER, BRASIDAS, "BONEY," and General BOOTH, HOMER and HORACE, and TUPPER and MORRIS, CICERO, CALVIN, and LOUIS KOSSUTH; GORGIAS, SANCHEZ, Sir ARCHIBALD ALISON, PLATO, AUGUSTINE, and W. STEAD, With--but mere catalogue moveth man's malison, Be _all_ Biography "taken as read"; Then, if you've lumped the Divine and Philosopher, Sophist, and Casuist clever to gloss over, Orator, Essayist, Scholar and Bard, Best Swordsman or "Pug" who e'er fenced, smote, or sparred, Toppers too many by far to enumerate. Melt them all down to a splendid conglomerate;-- _Then_ you will find your ingenious plan Misses nine-tenths of our own Grand Old Man.