At the floored and roaring victim "Foreign devils" look askew, Hands in pockets buried well. Piteous YOUNGHY-BUNG-BOO-HOO Hoped that from the mud they'd picked him. But laugh they, "Young Jap's fair licked him! _Shall_ we intervene? Ah, well, We'll _think_ of it. Time will tell. Meanwhile let him lie and yell, Yellow YOUNGHY-BUNG-BOO-HOO!" * * * * * [Illustration: A TOUCHING APPEAL. JOHNNY CHINAMAN. "BOO-HOO! HE HURTEE ME WELLY MUCH! NO PEACEY MAN COME STOPPY HIM!"] * * * * * THE POLITE GUIDE TO THE CIVIL SERVICE. (_By a Courteous Conductor._) SECURING A "P. S." I have supposed that you have been appointed Secretary to the Public Squander Department. You will have much to do, so the less you have to read, the better. Under these circumstances, I merely supply you at this moment with the following _Examination Paper for Would-be Private Secretaries._ 1. Give your autobiography, either as (1) a good story against yourself, (2) a minute in four lines, or (3) a long yarn suitable for filling up the time when things have to be kept going for three-quarters of an hour to accommodate your chief. 2. Describe your duties to your chief (1) when he is in town but wants to be thought away in the country, and (2) when you have to assist him as "Vice-chair" at a dinner party. 3. Given that you have for neighbours at a political banquet a race-horse owner, a supporter of the temperance cause, a theatrical proprietor, and a rural dean. Write an anecdote that will interest all of them, and cause the conversation between them to be general. 4. Take the following facts. Owing to a blunder, a ship has been sent to a wrong port, carrying a wrong cargo to a wrong receiver, who has sent it away, and thus prevented it being used for its right purpose. This trifling error of judgment has caused a war that could easily have been prevented. Explain all this away in such a manner that the statement when delivered by your chief shall be received with "general cheering" in the House of Commons. 5. Write a short essay showing your points and testing your capabilities. * * * * * [Illustration: BOUGHT AND SOLD. _Dealer._ "WHAT? THIS 'ERE LITTLE 'OSS BIN SHOT OVER? LOR' BLESS Y', HEEPS O' TIMES!" [_Purchaser tests the fact, and is perfectly satisfied._] * * * * * THE CHRONICLES OF A RURAL PARISH. II.--PRELIMINARY CANTERS.