O monstrous growth of modern times, Not thine the lilt of lover's rhymes, Whom some grim don perchance may wed, Who scorns the heart and sues the head: Farewell for ever and a day, Miss ARAMINTA JONES, B.A.! * * * * * [Illustration: A TASTE TO BE ACQUIRED. _Sporting Farmer (to young Pupil from provincial town, who has just made his first effort to ride over a Fence)._ "NOW THEN, JUMP ON AGAIN! BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME! YOU'LL LIKE IT AFTER A BIT!" _Pupil (still seeing stars)._ "SHALL I, SIR? SEEMS TO ME AS MUCH LIKE A RAILWAY COLLISION AS ANYTHING!"] * * * * * "THE FOURTH R." 'Twas "The Three R's" they promised us, but now They're merged in a bad fourth--Religious (?) Row! ["The so-called 'compromise' of 1871 was based on the assumption that, when all the differences of our English Christendom were struck out, there would be found the beating heart of 'a common Christianity' sending a quickening life through all its members.... Believing it not impossible for 'all who profess and call themselves Christians' to reconcile themselves to these two forms, elementary and supplementary, I earnestly commend them for peaceful co-existence to the conflicting parties of School Board electors and members."--_Dr. James Martineau's Letter to the "Times" of November 14._] O wise and gentle teacher, whose appeal Is to the common heart, whilst general anger Distracts and darkens all our commonweal, And schools and churches ring with noisy clangour; Would they but heed thy loving call, though late, How would the prospect brighten! Zeal fanatic With disingenuous dodges of debate, Insidious cant, assumption autocratic, Secular spleen, short-sighted super-thrift,-- All are at furious odds, wild-warring, windy, Intent, 'twould seem, to whelm a glorious gift In the loud whirlpool of sectarian shindy!