And here let me point out for your future guidance the importance of having a private secretary thoroughly up to his work. Had your answerer been possessed of the proper sort of assistant you would have been discovered, respectfully button-holed, and perforce satisfied. You would never have had the heart to put your question about the Milestones. But the particular Private Secretary of your answerer being _not_ up to his work you get snubbed. But don't be discouraged; stick to your Milestones. [Illustration] Bombard "the Right Hon. Gentleman opposite" with questions. Ask him for particulars about the Milestones in the Old Kent Road and on Salisbury Plain. If he requests notice, give him notice. By degrees you will find that you are becoming an institution. Milestones are your specialty. When the House is sitting demand particulars. When the House is up, write to the papers. Move for returns about Milestones. Go down to Slocum-on-the-Marsh and read papers on Milestones. If possible, be made a F.S.A. on the strength of your knowledge of Milestones. So identify yourself with Milestones that when your name is casually mentioned anywhere, let it be common form for some one to say, "Of course, the chap who looks after the Milestones." Wait patiently until your side move over from the Opposition to the Government benches. Then will come your opportunity. You will have sat upon a Milestone Commission. You have been very instrumental in getting Milestones polished. You have caused Milestones to be multiplied. All these services must be recognised. And they will. You will find yourself offered the Secretaryship of the Public Squander Department--to take care of the Milestones. Accept it. You will now have become a Civil Servant. On some future occasion I may suggest how you may successfully perform your duties in your new position. [Illustration: A REALIST IN FICTION. "I SAW A RABBIT RUN THROUGH THAT HEDGE!" "NO, DEAR. IT WAS IMAGINATION!" "ARE 'MAGINATIONS WHITE BEHIND?"] * * * * * DEFINITION.--A London Square is the Paradise of Perambulators. * * * * * LYRE AND LANCET. (_A Story in Scenes._) PART XVIII.--THE LAST STRAW. SCENE XXVII. (_continued_).--_The Chinese Drawing Room._ SPURRELL'S _ingenuous remark upon the coincidence of the title of the volume in his hand with the name of his bull-dog has produced a painful silence, which no one has sufficient presence of mind to break for several seconds._ _Miss Spelwane_ (_to herself_). Not CLARION BLAIR! Not even a poet! I--I could _slap_ him! _Pilliner_ (_to himself_). Poor dear VIVIEN! But if people will insist on patting a strange poet, they mustn't be surprised if they get a nasty bite! _Lady Maisie_ (_to herself_). He _didn't_ write _Andromeda!_ Then he hasn't got my letter after all! And I've been such a _brute_ to the poor dear man! _How_ lucky I said nothing about it to GERALD!