* * * * * MUDDY MILAN. Once I thought that you could boast Such a perfect southern sky, Flecked with summer clouds at most; Always sunny, always dry, Warm enough, perhaps, to grill an Englishman, O muddy Milan! Now I find you soaking wet, Underneath an English sky; Pavements, mediæval yet, Whence mud splashes ever fly; And, to make one damp and ill, an Endless downpour, muddy Milan! Though you boast such works of art, Where is that unclouded sky? Muddy Milan, we must part, I shall gladly say good-bye, Pack, and pay my little bill--an Artless thing--and leave you, Milan. * * * * * A REALLY "INDEPENDENT OF LABOUR PARTY."--MR. KEIR HARDIE, M.P. * * * * * LYRE AND LANCET. (_A Story in Scenes._) PART XV.--TRAPPED! SCENE XXIV.--_A Gallery outside the Verney Chamber._ TIME--_About 10.15._ _Undershell (to himself, as he emerges from a back staircase)._ I suppose this _is_ the corridor? The Boy said the name of the room was painted up over the door.... Ah, there it is; and, yes, Mr. SPURRELL'S name on a card.... The door is ajar; he is probably waiting for me inside. I shall meet him quite temperately, treat it simply as a----(_He enters; a waste-paper basket, containing an ingenious arrangement of liquid and solid substances, descends on his head._) What the devil do you mean, Sir, by this outrageous----? All dark! Nobody here! Is there a general conspiracy to insult me? Have I been lured up here for a brutal----(SPURRELL _bursts in_.) Ah, _there_ you are, Sir! (_With cold dignity, through the lattice-work of the basket._) Will you kindly explain what this means? _Spurrell._ Wait till I strike a light. (_After lighting a pair of candles._) Well, Sir, if _you_ don't know why you're ramping about like that under a waste-paper basket, I can hardly be expected to---- _Und._ I was determined not to remove it until somebody came in; it fell on my head the moment I entered; it contained something in a soap-dish, which has wetted my face. You may laugh, Sir, but if this is a sample of your aristocratic---- _Spurr._ If you could only see yourself! But _I_'d nothing to do with it, 'pon my word I hadn't; only just this minute got away from the hall.... _I_ know! It's that sulky young beggar, BEARPARK. I remember he slipped off on some excuse or other just now. He must have come in here and fixed that affair up for me--confound him! _Und._ I think _I_'m the person most entitled to----But no matter; it is merely one insult more among so many. I came here, Sir, for a purpose, as you are aware. _Spurr. (ruefully)._ Your dress clothes? All right, you shall have them directly. I wouldn't have put 'em on if I'd known they'd be wanted so soon. _Und._ I should have thought your own would have been more comfortable.