Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 107, October 13, 1894Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 107, October 13, 1894
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Und. (to himself)._ If he knew how near I went to getting the poor
beast shot! But I needn't mention that now.
_Spurr._ I don't say it isn't gratifying to be treated like a swell, but
I've got my professional reputation to consider, you know; and if
they're going to take up all my time talking about _Andromeda_----
_Und. (with a start)._ _Andromeda!_ They have been talking about
_Andromeda_? To you! Then it's _you_ who----
_Spurr._ Haven't I been telling you? I should just jolly well think they
_have_ been talking about her! So you didn't know my bull's name was
_Andromeda_ before, eh? But _you_ seem to have heard of her, too!
_Und. (slowly)._ I--I _have_ heard
of _Andromeda_--yes.
[_He drops into a chair, dazed._
_Spurr. (complacently)._ It's curious how that bitch's fame seems to
have spread. Why, even the old Bishop----But, I say, you're looking
rather queer; anything the matter with you, old fellow?
_Und. (faintly)._ Nothing--nothing. I--I feel a little giddy, that's
all. I shall be better presently.
[_He conceals his face._
_Spurr. (in concern)._ It was having that basket down on your head like
that. Too bad! Here, I'll get you some water. (_He bustles about._) I
don't know if you're aware of it, old chap, but you're in a regular
_dooce_ of a mess!
_Und. (motioning him away irritably)._ Do you suppose I don't know
_that_? For heaven's sake, don't speak to me! let me alone!... I want to
think--I want to think. (_To himself._) I see it all now! I've made a
hideous mistake! I thought these CULVERINS were deliberately----And all
the time----Oh, what an unspeakable idiot I've been!... And I can't even
explain!... The only thing to do is to escape before this fellow
suspects the truth. It's lucky I ordered that carriage! (_Aloud,
rising._) I'm all right now; and--and I can't stay here any longer. I am
leaving directly--directly!
_Spurr._ You must give me time to get out of this toggery, old chap;
you'll have to pick me out of it like a lobster!
_Und. (wildly)._ The clothes? Never mind them now. I can't wait. Keep
them!
_Spurr._ Do you really mean it, old fellow? If you _could_ spare 'em a
bit longer, I'd be no end obliged. Because, you see, I promised Lady
RHODA to come and finish a talk we were having, and they've taken away
my own things to brush, so I haven't a rag to go down in except these,
and they'd all think it so rude if I went to bed now!
_Und. (impatiently)._ I tell you you may keep them, if you'll only go
away!
_Spurr._ But where am I to send the things to when I've done with 'em?
_Und._ What do I----Stay, here's my card. Send them to that address. Now
go and finish your evening!
_Spurr. (gratefully)._ You _are_ a rattling good chap, and no mistake!
Though I'm hanged if I can quite make out what you're doing here, you
know!
_Und._ It's not at all necessary that you _should_ know. I am leaving
immediately, and--and I don't wish Sir RUPERT or Lady CULVERIN to hear
of this--you understand?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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