BY OUR COVER SYSTEM we have never yet drawn blank. Surprise profits are made by all Investors who trust us with their balances, so that a swinging amount always stands to their credit. We have never yet received a check. Our Customers come to Order, but they never go to Law. In June, 1893, we received information about Grand Post Defs. and Tympanum Prefs., and a Bull-dozing Operation was decided on. As a consequence we were able to present all Subscribers with a £50 dumb-bell apiece, which has made them strong enough to _move a Market_. THE ALL-ROUND COMPANY'S PEBBLE-BEECHED POPLAR HOAX DEAL. Everyone should therefore PLANK DOWN HIS MONEY and THROW HIS SCRUPLES OVER-BOARD. BY our NEW PURCHASE SYSTEM all COMMISSIONS ARE ABOLISHED. THE ALL-ROUND COMPANY DEALS IN LARGE BLOCKS. THE ALL ROUND COMPANY BLOCK-HEADS THE LIST. THE ALL-ROUND COMPANY TELLS YOU HOW TO WATCH A STOCK and HOW TO STRIKE A TIME-BARGAIN. IF YOU DON'T LIKE G STOCK BUY B STOCK. THE BUSY B BUZZES! HUSH A-BUY B STOCK!! LAST YEAR we recommended all bonneted widows to buy B's. The result is that they now wear poke-bonnets, and own pigs. They are also in clover. H STOCK FOR EVER!!! THE H CANNOT DROP. H STOCK FOR AMPSTEAD! H STOCK FOR IGHGATE! H STOCK FOR OLLOWAY! H STOCK FOR HISLINGTON! H STOCK FOR THE OUSE! Customers who deal with THE ALL-ROUND COMPANY HAVE NEVER FAILED TWICE. * * * * * WE CAN SHOW YOU HOW YOU'RE DONE ON APPLICATION TO OUR ALL-ROUND STOCK-EXCHANGERS' COMPANY, ENGLAND. * * * * * [Illustration: AWKWARDLY EXPRESSED. (_A Cosy Corner in a Country House._) _Hostess._ "THIS _IS_ GOOD OF YOU, MAJOR GREY! WHEN I WROTE I NEVER EXPECTED FOR A _MOMENT_ THAT YOU WOULD COME!"] * * * * * "WINDING 'EM UP." ["If he believed that the majority of the Liberal-Unionist party, or indeed any considerable section of them, held the opinion which was expressed by this writer in the _Times_, he, for one, would at once resign the responsible position which he held, and would claim to take up a more independent position, because he was certain that their efforts would be fruitless, and that they would not succeed in defeating the policy of Home Rule if they were to accept the negative position which had been suggested to them."--_Mr. Chamberlain at Durham._] _Showman Joe soliloquiseth:_-- Waxworks indeed! Hah! I've took over the management of 'em, and I suppose, as _Misther Thleary_ said, I must "make the betht of 'em, not the wurtht." But I'm a bit tired of the job--sometimes.