P.S.--I like to phancy the watchful evil phaces of my Criticks as they read this article. Phair men, but infelix, they will lavish their anger in epigramme. Not that I care a little tittle about adverse remarks kicked from a gutter into a garret! But! But let them not outgribe too soon, but rather dance and be glad, and trip the cockawhoop. For! For, slithy toves as they are, they will read it with tears and desiderium, unless I do as did ARTEMUS of shameful memory, and in jolliness and glad indulgence whisper to them-- THIS IS A GOAK! * * * * * THE LAY OF THE VIGILANT. I've a natural eye for evil, And folly I love to shoot, And to prod for a latent weevil In the wholesomest-looking root. My _ipse dixit_ must always fix it-- The song, the dance, the cup; And my back gets stiffer the more you differ From the standard that I set up. I went to the "halls" crusading, And I found what I meant to find. I had said they were all degrading, And I never alter my mind. In virtue strong I gazed at the throng Of smoking chatters and grinners; With a righteous frown my soul looked down On the publicans and the sinners. Loftily, proudly, lonely I bore what I had to bear, For I knew that I was the only Respectable Person there! That the others were not respectable Was easy and plain to see, For they frankly found delectable What didn't appeal to me. Yet none of the revellers stonily, Or scornfully seem'd to stare, They took no note of the only Respectable Person there. My vigilant virtue perchance may hurt you By putting constructions worse on The pose or picture that draws no strictures From the non-respectable person. But my earliest vigilance wakèd To look askance at the nude, As another name for naked, And therefore distinctly rude. From an icy peak of stupendous cheek On an alien world I glare, And never feel lonely, although I'm the only Respectable Person there! * * * * * WONDERFUL FEAT OF STRENGTH.--The strong man supporting four men on a chair is nothing in comparison with _an entire train "held up" by four men_! This was reported in the _Pall Mall Gazette_ last Saturday as having occurred to a "Texas Pacific train." The armed robbers went off with 20,000 dollars. Nice "Pacific" train to travel by! * * * * * HEIRLOOMS.--_Mr. Punch_ congratulates Mr. and Mrs. BEERBOHM TREE, and their Olive Branch little Miss TREE, on the valuable _souvenirs_ of their Balmoral performance presented them by HER MAJESTY, which, from all others, will distinguish this particular "Family TREE." * * * * * MORBIDEZZA.