Parliament's a stage, And, Peers or Commoners, they are merely players: They have their exits and their entrances, And one Peer in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven stages. First the Home-Ruler, Mewling and puking in Nurse GLADSTONE'S arms; And then the Union Schoolboy, with his satchel, And smooth-cut morning face, creeping like snail Unwilling to JOE'S school. And then the Boss, Working like nigger, with a dithyrambic Made to the County Council. Then a Socialist, Full of strange aims, bearded like BERNARD SHAW, Jealous of Ground Rents, quick with Land to quarrel, Seeking the fleeting bubble, Betterment, E'en at Monopoly's mouth. And then the Premier, High above Party, with a pleasant joke On the predominant partner and his claims; Full of light jests and modern mugwumpisms; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the smooth-cheeked, inexpressive Sphinx With finger at her nose's knowing side, DIZZY'S old pose well mimicked, "cute" and "wide," With a cold eye and an oracular voice, Which, tuned to cynic lightness, puzzles much The Radical OEipus. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Newmarket ROSEBERY, _Ladas_-owner, Lord,-- _Sans_ grit, _sans_ nous, _sans_ go, _sans_ everything! * * * * * ANOTHER MAN'S EARS. (_With Apologies to the Author of "Another Woman's Eyes," in the "Illustrated News."_) Beautiful ears, indeed, beautiful ears! (She must be growing blind to think them fine!) Had you been wiser in those by-gone years, They might have--heard the lectures lost on mine. I only wish they had! (But no, no, no; I'd rather list long nights to Caudle-shine, Than let those beautiful ears--she calls them so-- List some "soft nothings" murmured into mine!) * * * * * SLOW, AND NOT QUITE SURE. (_A Suggestion not necessarily Founded upon Facts._) SCENE--_The Interior of a Police Court: a case is in course of disposal. The Magistrate has made up his mind to deal summarily in the matter._ _Magistrate._ And so you say that the prisoner has a bad record? _Policeman X._ A very bad one, your Worship. We have strong reasons for believing that he has been in every prison in the kingdom for crimes of varying gravity. _Magistrate._ By the new anthropometrical system, you can identify him? _Policeman X._ Certainly. I have here certificates from no less than two hundred gaol governors declaring his hair to be the colour of pea-green. _Magistrate._ And I notice the prisoner has hair of that peculiar hue. _Policeman X._ Certainly, your worship; and on that account I claim that you impose upon this man the heaviest punishment within your jurisdiction. _Magistrate._ And now prisoner what have you to say?